Samantha Bee slams Mitch McConnell for wiping his ‘obstructionist a**’ on the document Scalia held dear
There we were going along in a normal everyday political campaign and all of a sudden Antonin Scalia happened. “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee” went into full Constitutional crisis mode until someone brought her the American manual.
“Oh my gosh! It’s fine! According to Article II, the President just appoints a new one. So, he just gets on with that,” Bee said before showing clips of Senate Leader Mitch McConnell’s threats to obstruct the Justice. “Yes, because what better way to honor America’s greatest champion of original intent then by wiping your obstructionist ass on the very document he holds so dear.”
Scalia loved the Constitution so much Bee said that he would have married it. “And then struck down that marriage because marriage is between a man and a woman. But, fine, f*ck this stupid thing!” She said throwing her binder full of Constitution aside. “Let’s just have a Supreme Court vacancy for a year because some chinless dildo wants a Justice who will use his gavel to plug up your abortion hole.”
But, how are they justifying this? Bee ran a clip of Fox News talking about the Thurmond Rule derived from former Senator Strom Thurmond who decided that the summer before an election all appointments should be held up. The thing is, The Thurmond Rule isn’t actually a rule or a law, it’s just something he did back in 1968. Also, it isn’t the summer, it isn’t even spring.
“Filling court vacancies is one of only three jobs a President actually has,” Bee explained. “Appointing Justices, bombing the sh*t out of the Middle East and turkey pardoning. That’s it!” Last year’s turkeys were probably eaten by Mitch McConnell too.
But Scalia’s real legacy was his ability to hate the policy but not the policy-maker. That inspired Bee to correct herself that Mitch McConnell isn’t a dildo so much as his ideas are a dildo.