I found the perfect gift — for the Trump-loving maniac in your life

For a merry MAGA Christmas, I believe one of the best gifts you can give, receive, or gift yourself is Bond Arms’ DT47 (Trump Gun), a “stunning salute to a remarkable comeback by our 45th and 47th Commander in Chief,” according to Bond Arms. The DT47 will be a cherished memento that MAGA faithful can hand down one generation to the next.

The Trump Gun is a 45-caliber handgun beautifully inscribed with the words “Living Legend” and “I’m Back” on the barrel and the numbers “45th” and “47th” denoting Trump’s two presidencies. It is an absolute steal for $545.47 — a priceless treasure for any Trump-loving, gun-toting patriot.

The Trump Gun is a stainless steel, double-barreled beauty with a rebounding hammer and retracting firing pin. Be aware that there is a very limited quantity and that the DT47 is not available in California or Massachusetts.

The Trump Gun is chambered to handle both .45 caliber and .410 cartridges. The .45 caliber cartridge offers greater range and is the best option for self-defense if you prefer a single point of impact. The .410 is very effective for defense against close-range targets where the greater spread of the .410 shot produces the most devastating effect on impact.

Of course, the Trump Gun is a deadly weapon and should never be kept loaded with children around. For example, when our family celebrates Christmas, we will all gather around to admire the unloaded DT47 and give everyone a chance to handle it. Not until the children are put to bed, however, will I go to the ammunition safe and load the Trump Gun.

An unloaded gun won’t stop a home invader, so I will keep the loaded TD47 in reach. It’s always possible that a homicidal maniac lurking in the bushes will evade our twin Doberman Pinschers, the 1300-watt dual flood lights, the outdoor surveillance camera system, the SimpliSafe home security system, and breach the VIZ-PRO steel security door. If that occurs, my Trump Gun and I lie in wait.

The Trump Gun will give my wife and me the peace of mind to relax and enjoy every evening. What better way than to share a bottle of Trump Super Premium Vodka ($374.99), my wife in her 45-47 Trump ladies’ knit sweater ($110), I in my Mar-a Lago Jersey Hoodie ($210), cuddled up by the fire in the loving embrace of our Donald Trump Plush Throw Blanket ($49.99).

As good Christians, we like to spend some time each evening reading from our beautiful Trump Bible ($59.99), often ending our reading with the inspiring words of the Lord in Deuteronomy 19:21 — “Your eye shall not pity: life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.” One of our favorite passages.

When the kids arise the next morning, the Trump Gun will be safely unloaded and showcased on the living room mantle next to a personalized signed picture by Donald Trump ($49.95) and a Donald Trump Keep America Great Flag ($19.95). After breakfast, the family will head to the sportsman’s club shooting range for some target practice.

For the children, we started with easy-to-handle .22 caliber handguns. They first took two years of gun-safety courses at the range and weren’t allowed to fire a gun until they turned six. Needless to say, they were chomping at the bit to start shooting by then, and their enthusiasm continues to grow.

My wife favors a 9 mm handgun for the range while I prefer shooting a .44 Magnum at the longest-range targets. My children do their shooting first with my wife and my strict oversight, and then they head to the club’s arcade while we pound out 200-300 rounds.

We have a family custom of sending out New Years’ cards to friends, so our next stop will be JC Penny’s Portraits Studio to get a family picture taken. For my MAGA gun enthusiasts, I can’t resist prominently displaying the Trump Gun in hand aimed at the camera, a mock-menacing look on my face. The kids will get a kick out of that.

I’m not saying that a family that shoots together stays together, but we have bonded over our love of guns in a way that only gun lovers can appreciate. When my ten-year old daughter puts a bullet square between the eyes of a 3D grizzly bear target at 200 yards, my wife and I are filled with) indescribable pride. We believe we’ve done our job.

The Trump Gun is not only a great collector’s item to enjoy for a lifetime. It is a tribute to the president who ensures my right to buy, own, brandish, carry-conceal, and shoot any gun from a Beretta 92x pistol to an AK-47 rifle as long as he is president. What more could any American ask for?

Have a very merry MAGA Christmas, God bless Donald Trump, and keep your powder dry.

• Tom Tyner is a freelance editorialist, satirist, political analyst, blogger, author and retired English instructor. The Trump Gun is real. His interest in buying one, and description of a gun- and Trump merch-filled home life, may not be.