Gay Is Apparently The New White Male Christian

So, apparently, Republicans are having their coming out party in Hollywood.

When I look upon the faces of these oppressed, who you may recognize from such blockbusters as Transformers, X-Men: The Last Stand and Live Free or Die Hard, I can only think about how they, like gays and lesbians, blacks and Hispanics, had to face the brutal slings and arrows of discrimination and bigotry.

Much like black Americans in the 1960s forced to sit at posh lunch counters and be served well-cooked meals as they were forced to awkwardly defend their appreciation of Martin Luther King, Jr. - sometimes with raised voices - Hollywood Republicans know what discrimination is.

Much like a homosexual person in the 1980s, the very revelation of a Republican's status in their Hollywood community leads to mass speculation and concern over what they're going to wear to their next premiere.

Like any number of Hispanic citizens, Hollywood Republicans frequently face the erroneous assumption that they're other Republicans, or that they know a Republican because they happened to be from the same state. It's also frequently assumed that they know where all the good Republican restaurants are.

Let us have a moment of silence for the last great class of victims in our society - whiny multimillionaire conservatives who can demand their own trailers for bit parts in indie movies. Did we fight so long and so hard for it to come to this? I think not.