“As a devoted supporter of President Donald Trump,” USA Today columnistRex Huppke wrote sarcastically on Tuesday, “you can imagine the joy I felt when I read that The Trump Organization is launching a mobile phone service featuring a classy (fake) gold smartphone.”
Buying this fake gold smartphone is doing more than just “paying respect to the MAGA King,” he wrote. It’s been the missing item the MAGA crowd has been longing for.
“For far too long, my ability to show support for President Trump and the MAGA movement has been limited to hats, shirts, hoodies, beer koozies, key fobs, glassware, flags, pickleball paddles, footballs, ties, socks, aprons, beach towels, sunglasses, wallets, soft-cover journals, flip-flops, sneakers and tote bags,” Huppke quipped.
“That has understandably left me feeling incomplete, thinking: ‘If only I had a Trump phone to complete the look.’”
On Monday, Trump's sons announced the launch of a new mobile phone service called "Trump Mobile" that will offer telemedicine and other features. The launch came with multiple concerns from experts about the security and data privacy of the devices, as well as questions about the company's claims that the phones will be "made in the USA."
Huppke, ironically looking on the bright side, said it's not just a part of the look, it's affordable, “For the low, low price of $499 plus a monthly mobile-service charge and, who knows, maybe a recurring donation to a Trump super PAC or something fun like that.”
"I assume the T1 Trump Mobile phone will come equipped with a Marxist Radical Tracker App that alerts me if I’m in the presence of any potential leftists who might rudely roll their eyes at my phone or offer me affordable health care," Huppke joked.
“Panicky Harvard law professor Lawrence Lessig had told the Washington Post after Monday's launch of the phone, ‘This is the sort of thing you’d see in a banana republic.’”
Huppke believes this “is fantastic, because I love bananas.”
He jokingly said, “I am personally PUMPED at the thought of owning a phone that might eventually, perhaps one day, be made in America,” later adding “Though this particular phone, according to tech reporters and analysts, appears to be made in China and is going for about $170 on Amazon.”
“However,” Huppke added, “that [Amazon] version isn’t gold and doesn’t have Trump’s name on it … checkmate, radical leftist fact-gatherers.”
“You America-hating losers can keep using your non-Trump phones and letting Big Tech know everything about you,” Huppke joked.
“I’m switching to a Trump phone,” he said. “Safe in the knowledge my personal information will be in the hands of the one entity Republicans like me have always trusted: the federal government.”