I am generally a worst-case-scenario kind of guy.
I’m the dude who’s still nervously biting his fingernails when his team is leading by three touchdowns late in the fourth quarter.
I am expert in anticipating trouble when there’s almost no chance there will be any, because I’m not at all interested in being shocked and hurt if it somehow arrives.
No matter how smooth the road, there’s always a chance of a flat.
I reckon most of my condition is rooted from growing up in some unsteady terrain early in life. I learned fast that good things can go bad in a hurry.
As I have gotten older, I have actually allowed more and more pure joy into my life, despite all the risks. I trust what I see, and how I feel, and don’t look so hard for those dark clouds looming in the distance.
That’s a lot of navel-gazing to start a column, and I apologize, but I wanted to lay out my qualification as a glass-half-empty student of life, before filling your glass to overflowing with this:
I am absolutely positive that the Democrats are going to demolish the Republicans in November.
Wondering what I put in my glass this morning? Maybe lay off the hooch just a bit, Earl?
OK, so you mean you actually want some concrete reasons for my sky-high optimism? You are glad the clouds have lifted, but still don’t trust my sunny forecast. You wish I’d just shut the f*ck up, and take my new-found confidence elsewhere. Malaise is our greatest enemy, and stop assuming anything, dude.
Admit it, that is what you are thinking right now, isn’t it?
Well … that right there is the No. 1 reason for my suddenly buoyant attitude this year, my friends.
I know for a fact that after the terrible blast on November 8, 2016, you have been trained as I have to expect catastrophe around every corner of every election.
Take nothing for granted.
Thanks to the horrible memories associated with that dark day, you simply refuse to entertain the thought of another one, because you might not survive it.
You have once and for all learned your lesson from year’s past, when you used to kick your feet up and pat yourself on the back for twice putting Barack Obama in the White House, while the Republicans were busy little beavers nibbling away at the foundation of our Democracy.
We have learned from past mistakes.
These days we are a much more formidable foe. War-tested. Sure, we’re all about going high, but when they go low, we don’t ignore ‘em anymore. We step on ‘em to keep ‘em where they’re happy.
There’s more of us.
If Democrats lose this year — and I am assuring you that they won’t — it will not be because we weren't busy with our get-out-the-vote efforts and sounding the alarms everywhere. It will be because we just got beaten by better candidates with better ideas.
So tell me, where all these great Republican candidates with better ideas?
I’ll wait …
Thought so. You can’t name even one. That’s why Democrats have been winning elections since 2017 at an alarming clip.
Hell, just last week they flipped a seat in Florida’s District 35 when Democrat Tom Keen defeated Republican Erica Booth in a special election in the Sunshine State. Governor Ron DeSantis carried this district by +12 in 2022.
Still not convinced? Still aren’t with me and my newfound sunny attitude? Well, I got one three-letter word for you: ROE
Look, women simply aren’t going to use their vote to return to the Year 1897.
Not-happening.
Women’s reproductive rights will be the driving issue this year. Nothing as powerful as this has ever been on the ballot before a presidential election. This issue directly affects 51 percent of the people in America, a majority of whom are going to demand they have as many rights as the remaining 49 percent, who have been calling the shots for far too long now.
Time’s up.
This issue has been motivating voters in states as red as Kentucky and as blue as California. It carried Keen to his inspiring win in Florida, and was the driving issue in a Supreme Court race in my purple home state of Wisconsin last April, when the liberal candidate here, Janet Protaciewicz, walloped the pathetic Trump, anti-choice candidate by 11 points.
With that huge victory, Wisconsin joined Michigan and Pennsylvania in flipping their courts from red to blue since that terrible November day in 2016. Oh, and all three have also switched out their governors from Republican to Democratic.
The Blue Wall has been Built Back Better than ever before. Without those three states, any Republican presidential campaign is dead on arrival.
When Democrats wallop Republicans in November, Republicans will be put on a death watch. They won't survive another election cycle with Roe on the ballot.
For now, they will be dogged by it. There is nowhere to hide. Their candidate for president, the despicable, racist traitor, Trump, brags it is he who was singularly responsible for assembling the Supreme Court that took a match to Roe.
For one of the very few times in his miserable life he is actually telling the truth here, and now is completely cornered by the biggest issue of our lifetimes.
Nicely done, sport.
And what of all these down-ballot Republican candidates, especially those in swing states and districts. How will they play it? Well, we know for a fact, their orange boss doesn't like it much if they dare show the hint of a backbone, and refuse to kiss his fat ass.
And even if they do run away from Trump on this issue, who is really going to believe their sincerity?
No, this is going to be a mauling in Roevember.
And if you still aren’t completely convinced, let me pour this into your glass: Never underestimate the power of the incumbency.
Trump, himself, nearly held on four years ago, thanks to our antiquated Electoral College, and the most powerful pulpit in the world at his disposal to make his shaky case.
Now he is a crazed outsider, storming basketball gyms and the cornfields in Iowa, while looking and acting more unhinged than ever. The difference in these two men couldn’t be any more stark.
Joe Biden and Trump are both old, sure, but that’s where the similarities end.
Biden has seen a few things, while Trump is staring at jail. One man is desperate, and the other man understands the power of the presidency and how to use it.
He’ll know how and when to play the ace of hearts in his hand that is Roe.
For now, he can point to myriad achievements the past three years. Remember when Trump talked about infrastructure and got nothing done on it? If you somehow forgot that, you can plan on hearing plenty about that this year.
Lately, there are also signs the economy is ticking upward. The recession Trump’s Republicans were begging for never transpired.
We are in a sustained period of employment in this country not seen since the 1960s. There are jobs everywhere. The Dow just hit its highest level ever, and interest rates are starting to fall.
Even our broken media is starting to wake up to these facts.
And what of those 91 felony counts against the odious Trump? Let me type that one again with feeling: THE GOP CANDIDATE HAS 91 FELONY COUNTS AGAINST HIM.
Again, this is the best candidate Republicans could come up with to run against Biden?
Please.
Let’s say Trump is convicted on only 11 of these felonies. Will even 40 percent of the electorate vote for a convicted criminal?
Look, as sunny as this forecast is, I know there will be some occasional rain. Nine months is several lifetimes in the screwed up world of politics. There will still be angst and worry. Every little thing will be overanalyzed and blown out of proportion.
But we’ve seen how bad it can get, and because of that, we will never go back.
Now go grab your sunglasses, and join me. The future has never been brighter.
(D. Earl Stephens is the author of “Toxic Tales: A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters” and finished up a 30-year career in journalism as the Managing Editor of Stars and Stripes. Follow @EarlofEnough and on his website.)