The first day of the trial of Sean Dunn, the man known as D.C.'s "Sandwich Guy" after he was accused of hurling a Subway hoagie at a federal agent, kicked off on Tuesday — with his alleged victim the first on the stand.
According to the federal agent, Gregory Lairmore, the assault by a sub resulted in his uniform being permeated with the "smell" of "onions and the mustard." He told a jury it "exploded" as it hit him, though defense lawyers showed pictures of the sandwich on the ground, still in its wrapper.
“You don’t see there’s mustard on it,” the defense said at one point. “You can’t tell there’s ketchup on it. ... In fact, that sandwich hasn’t exploded at all.”
The officer claimed the sandwich “looks bent and out of shape.” He went on to say that a little looked like a piece of it was coming out from the bottom of the wrapping.
The exchange prompted giggles and puns from those watching the trial via live posting.
"I've changed my mind. Nothing short of life without parole will suffice," said Sam Stein from The Bullwark.
"Who would win: Level IV plate v. Subway spicy Italian," asked Courthouse News congressional reporter Benjamin S. Weiss.
"Deadly stain," quipped Huffington Post political reporter Igor Bobic.
"I wish this particular dystopia wasn’t so funny," said Zach Wilson of the "Sitcom People" podcast.
"Can you still smell the onions, Clarice?" cracked internet comedian Mike Nelson.
"The only suitable punishment is Sandwich Boarding at a Subway operated black site that is overseen by the ghost of Dick Cheney," retired school district administrator Geoff Brown said.
"Imagining Homer Simpson on the jury, drooling and saying 'mmmhhhm projectile sandwich,'" quipped Joe Perticone of The Bulwark.
"Be careful out there," said Toronto Star columnist Bruce Arthur.
Greg Nog created a new Platoon film poster using French's mustard and two red onions. "I cannot believe he said this under oath."