True confessions of a 'Trump supporter' who just got donor-shamed by the president

As one of the patriots receiving the Con-Artist-In-Chief’s daily blizzard of fundraising emails, I am able to offer some rare insight into what it’s like to let Dear Leader down. It isn’t pretty.

Now, you probably are wondering what I’m doing receiving emails from the dark side, and I don’t blame you. I don’t recall asking to make this dubious list, but here I am, in a fine position to serve as a treasonous spy.

Sadly, I was just given the bad news that my lifetime Trump-giving record of $0 has not gone unnoticed or unforgiven.

“Friend,” the email from “Trump Donor Record” begins. “Did you see the President’s email? “

We pulled the records of his most LOYAL supporters - the ones who have been there for him no matter what. Unfortunately, your donor record showed up in the BOTTOM 1% of all Trump Supporters.”

The use of Trump’s signature CAPS LOCK certainly added to the email’s air of authenticity. So did the hurtful reference to my being in the bottom 1 percent, which I believe to be the polar opposite of the percent that he cares about.

Next, the email laid out my own sad personal box score, listing my email address and the fact that I’ve been a donor since “not available.” Add that to my 2020 Campaign Cycle Gifts of $0 and my “Lifetime Total” of $0 and you can see why the big boss’ people might not be pleased.

“President Trump REALLY needs you right now. Why haven’t you stepped up?” I was scolded by the email. “ The truth is, we are pacing BEHIND our Election Defense Fund Goal. If we don’t so something quick, we risk LOSING America to BIG GOVERNMENT SOCIALISTS.”

“If every supporter took action and contributed TODAY, we’d be back on track and would have what it takes to SAVE AMERICA from Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

“Please make your FIRST EVER contribution of $10 or more by 11:59 PM TONIGHT to the Official Election Defense Fund and to help President Trump Save America.”

OK, there’s a lot to unpack there. As a member of the Fake News media, I’ve grown accustomed to snarky comments from Trumpees, but this was the first time I was called out as a disloyal friend. No one wants that.

The whole “losing America to big government socialists” thing would of course be news to the progressive wing of the Democratic Party. But it was noteworthy that there’s no more nuance in the fund-raising screed than there is on the Twitter feed.

Still, my favorite part of the entire email was the phrase “if we don’t do something quick.” That’s actually probably true. Trump has no intention to concede--ever--to the guy who crushed him in a 74-electoral vote landslide (not to mention more than 6 million actual votes). But it appears he is in conceding that the deadline of December 14 to choose electors is real.

Yes, if Trump doesn’t do “something quick” to steal the election, we will live unsaved under the rule of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. I get that. What I didn’t quite get from the email was what my first-ever contribution to the erstwhile proprietor of Trump University had to do with keeping him in power.

What’s the “Election Defense Fund” defending again? What did they need this new money for? To pay Rudy? To fix up Mar-A-Largo? Maybe for a good divorce attorney?

I don’t know. But as a member-in-bottom-1-percent standing of the Trump base, I’ve got more pressing things to be concerned about. Do you want a little insight into what keeps us wayward Trump supporters up at night? It’s an email that ends like this:

“We’re sending President Trump a list of ALL Patriots who step up NOW. Will he see your name?”