Holy hell! I literally wrote the book on Trump but this has me stunned

Once upon a time, an endless seven years ago, I accidentally wrote a book about Donald Trump.

Actually, the book pretty much wrote itself, because I used Trump’s very own best words to satirically annihilate him. We were into the second year of his <gulp> first presidency and it was clear to anybody paying attention the guy was so far out of his element and out over his skis that it was only a matter of when he’d crash, not if he’d crash.

The man was a complete moron, and anybody who couldn’t see that was, well, a …

Anyway, gaining inspiration from his death-defying Mr. MaGoo act of careening around the country making a moron out of himself wherever his fat, little feet had landed, I hit my computer one Saturday morning and started penning a letter to America that would come off the desk of the Moron in Chief, Donald Trump.

But this letter couldn’t be just any letter, my friends. No, this letter had to be Jeffersonian in weight. This letter had to be a Very Important Letter.

So I wrote the thing, had a laugh, loaded it on my website, and then shared it on Twitter.

I did the same thing the next week, and the next week, and the next week …

Turns out they were quite a hit. When a publisher contacted me cold one day and approached me about turning all those letters into a book, I laughed, and she said, “exactly.”

Just about a year later, Toxic Tales: A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters was born.

I’m not here to sell you that book today, my friends, I’m really not. But I lament that since that book was published, there has been enough material to fill the pages of three more books.

This was all supposed to be over in November, 2020. America’s greatest mistake was supposed to have been shoved away in some padded locker in his seedy country club.

By the time the carnage had ended with his violent attack on America just two months later, I figured like any half-sane person we were finally done with the dangerous moron for good.

Better yet: He’d be behind bars where he belonged.

Even after the three-dimensional, chess-playing law-and-order expert, Merrick Garland, managed to put himself in check by disgracefully failing to prosecute America’s No. 1 enemy, I figured his subsequent tarring as a sexual-abuser by a civil court jury and conviction of 34 counts of falsification of business records simply had to end it. I mean, America wasn’t really going to elect a “law-and-order candidate” who was an America-attacking convicted felon, were they?

So here we are into the 150 most destabilizing days in American history and the moron is somehow back in our White House breaking things like our government into a million pieces, glueing them back to together, and bragging that only he could perform this magnificent black magic. We are being gaslighted like never before, and the sane among us are back to banging our heads against the wall.

We don’t deserve this cruel and unusual punishment, we really don’t …

And of course, where there’s Trump, there’s a social media account that he is absolutely obliterating. And where there’s a Trump social media account that he is absolutely obliterating, there are enough moronic words to write several books.

Yesterday, the moron outdid himself, which is like saying he somehow got even oranger.

Just after 6 p.m. local time, he decided to share this take on what was happening in the Mideast inside his moronic, overly crowded head, no matter what was really happening in the Mideast:

And God bless the entire f--king galaxy, with the hope you have the Stamina and Courage not to go into orbit after reading whatever the hell that mess was supposed to be.

I mean, holy hell.

And, yes, I get it. He used the word “God” 40 times to appease the dangerous Christo Fascists, who have put the moron back in power, to beat the rest of us to death with a gold-plated hammer. That’s a column for another day. This one has to do with dealing with the moron who is right front of our eyes.

Look, if your 10-year-old son wrote something this preposterous, you'd be on the phone with his teacher the very next morning begging her to adopt him. Short of that, you’d demand she hold him back a few years so he could catch up to the 6-year-olds.

You needn’t wonder why his parents shoved him in a military boarding school, because they simply couldn’t stand to be around him anymore …

Except this is the President to the United States. Wait: THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!! And the only people on the Right who can do anything about him right now are either feeding him warped Bible stories to encourage him, or are scared to death he is going sic his cult on them and have them blown to smithereens.

It really is this bad right now.

And if Republicans have a pathetic excuse for their pathetic inaction to curb this man-child’s worst instincts, what is our damn media’s excuse?

Because after The Moron barfed out whatever that was supposed to be above, The New York Times decided to deal with it this way in an email blast just an hour later:

Trump’s Washington

How President Trump is changing government, the country and its politics.

Tonight, I’m covering the unusual way President Trump is posting through the war in Iran.

• President Trump offered an olive branch to Iran after a response to America’s weekend strike that appeared calculated to ramp down the tensions. Below, I examine the curious way he did it.

Read all that again …

Saying that Trump is “changing government” is like saying Hitler “changed” immigration. Describing how Trump is dealing with the dangerous mess in Iran that he created as “unusual” is like describing his violent attack to overthrow our government on January 6, 2021, as simply “a day of love.”

Oh, and as I publish this? Iran and Israel are still bombing the bejesus out of each other.

Nine years after Trump asked Vladimir Putin to help get him elected — “Russia, if you’re listening” — and it was subsequently normalized, our corporate media still hasn’t learned its lesson when dealing with this dangerous moron.

People who deal in words, still somehow don’t understand that how you use those words matter.

They still haven’t learned that Trump isn’t just a complete and total moron, he is also the President of the United States.

And that happens to make him the most dangerous man on Earth.

God help us.

(D. Earl Stephens is the author of “Toxic Tales: A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters” and finished up a 30-year career in journalism as the Managing Editor of Stars and Stripes. You can find all his work here.)