Older readers may remember the cartoon book, “101 Uses for a Dead Cat,” in which deceased felines were repurposed as tent pegs, toilet paper holders, boat anchors, and other objects.
I came across my battered copy the other day and — for some reason — thought of the Florida Democratic party.
The national Democratic Party, too, though it’s not quite as dead, and so plans to turn individual Dems into table lamps are premature.
Table lamps are actually useful.
Reubin Askew via State Library and Archives of Florida Bob Graham via U.S. Senate The late Gov. Lawton Chiles via State Library and Archives of Florida
Harsh, sure. But as the arsonists President Musk and his little buddy Donald Trump burn the nation down to the ground, the Democrats can’t even put together a bucket brigade.
Younger readers might not be aware that Florida was once solidly Democratic.
The party had held power since Florida became a state in 1845. Maybe they figured they always would.
For more than a century, Democrats were the party of slavery, states’ rights, and Jim Crow, but, gradually and imperfectly, became the party of civil rights, voting rights, and workers’ rights, switching places with Republicans, who once had a strong streak of social progressivism.
Then the R’s were seduced by Nixon’s Southern Strategy and became the party of pro-segregation white people.
For 30 years, Florida elected New South governors such as Reubin Askew, Bob Graham, and Lawton Chiles, leaders who believed in education, open government, protecting the environment — crazy stuff like that.
But Democrats kind of forgot to do the political outreach part, taking their voters for granted, failing to build a bench of young leaders.
Sure, Bill Clinton won Florida in 1996; Al Gore damn near won in 2000 (if the court had ordered a count of the over-votes, he would have become president), and Barack Obama won in 2008 and 2016.
State politics, however, were a different animal.
Jeb Bush (assumed to be “the smart one” in the family) put together a coalition of hungry Republicans and conservative Democrats, winning the gubernatorial race in 1998. That same year, Florida Democrats made one of their most boneheaded moves.
Former state Rep. Willie Logan in 1991. (Don Dughi Collection via State Library and Archives of Florida)
Legislative Democrats chose Rep. Willie Logan of Miami-Dade as their “speaker designate.” He had a good chance of becoming the first Black Speaker of the Florida House.
Then, for reasons they could never quite articulate, his own party ousted Logan during a public meeting.
When they named a white woman instead, the Black Caucus walked out, furious.
White Democrats mumbled stuff about Logan being a little “too liberal” and a little too laid-back.
Or it might have been that Logan was a little too Black.
He claimed they worried Republicans would “put my picture on fliers and pass them around saying, ‘If you vote for a Democrat, this is going to be the next speaker of the House.’”
I guess those Democrats forgot that African Americans were — and are — the heart of the party.
That was the beginning of the hard times.
Other factors, including gerrymandering and the hordes of tax-hating, socially conservative Midwestern white folks moving to the state, contributed to the Democrats becoming a minority, but this high-profile insult of a young leader did not inspire confidence or help foster party unity.
Republican majorities in the Legislature have only grown since then, and Democrats have been unable to field convincing candidate for statewide office.
This is how we got landed with the super-rich, super-sleazy Rick Scott, whose company defrauded Medicare, and the petulant Ron DeSantis, energetically destroying Florida in the name of a phantom he calls “DEI.”
There was that brief, giddy moment last fall when it seemed just possible the state was inching toward purple.
The reproductive rights amendment looked like it could pass; Debbie Mucarsel-Powell mounted a good senatorial campaign against the appalling Scott; it even seemed just possible the Democrats would deny the Republicans a supermajority in the Legislature.
Of course, they failed.
Now that Trump is back in the Oval Office, smashing up the national china and turning the White House lawn into a car lot, Dems across the country have misplaced their mojo.
This lawless administration attacks free speech, wrecks our democratic institutions, tanks the economy — and the opposition responds by wearing Barbie pink to Trump’s address to Congress.
I like pink, and I get that it’s the pussy hat march color, but come on, y’all: How about something a little more effective?
A little louder?
Even respect-the-office when-they-go-low-we-go-high types ought to applaud Texas Rep. Al Green for heckling Trump as he stood telling lies before the nation.
Ten Democrats demonstrated a measure of intestinal fortitude when the House formally censured Green, stepping up to the well with him and singing “We Shall Overcome.”
To borrow a phrase from Donald Trump, it made “good TV.”
Some more good TV: Florida’s own Rep. Maxwell Alejandro Frost calling Trump “the grifter-in-chief,” drawing the incoherent ire of House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer of Kentucky, who threatened to have him thrown out of the building.
Comer, known for accusing the Biden family (with zero evidence) of lying, cheating and stealing, piously invoked the “decorum” of the House.
House members are known for their passionate commitment to decorum.
Wisconsin Rep. Derrick Van Orden hollered at President Biden during his State of the Union Speech, calling him a liar, yet neither he nor the small army of Republicans who made a hobby of yelling at Barack Obama got censured.
Rep. Lauren Boebert, who was famously asked to leave a theatrical performance of “Beetlejuice” for illicit vaping, loud singing and, er, over-enthusiastic groping of her date, referred to Rep. Al Green’s walking stick as a “pimp cane.”
No word of protest from the Rs.
Marjorie Taylor Greene, that paragon of charm, grace, and the kind of elegant manners even the Princess of Wales would envy, called her colleague Rep. Boebert a “little bitch” and displayed sexually explicit photos of Hunter Biden.
The point is, to compete with the Republicans’ 24/7 freak show, Democrats not only need to concoct some policies on which to campaign (shouldn’t be that hard, since Americans are getting fed up with President Musk’s Reign of Error) but find some effective leaders and hone — if not their insult skills — their wit and showmanship.
Showwomanship, too. (Go ahead: call the DEI Police on me).
We already know who ain’t getting the job done.
That would be Chuck Schumer (bless his heart) and Hakeem Jeffries. Esteemed gents, sure. Firing up America? Nah.
How about a Florida Man to counter that orange immigrant Florida Man?
If Dems had any sense, they’d trot out Maxwell Frost every chance they get.
He’s cute and he’s fearless.
Rep. Jared Moskowitz of Florida’s 23rd District might be useful, too — he trolls the idiot likes of Marjorie Taylor Greene like a boss.
Greene likes to claim the gubmint controls hurricanes and Ukraine is teeming with Nazis.
U.S. Rep. Jared Moskowitz via U.S. House Anna Eskamani via Florida House
Moskowitz calls her “head of the Mensa caucus” and suggests Vladimir Putin appoint her his “special envoy” to Congress.
The problem with Moskowitz is that he’s got this impulse to “work with Republicans,” which might have made sense in, say, 1996, but these days means letting Republicans trample decency.
He (and several other Dems) voted to censure Al Green.
Moreover, he defends the war criminal prime minister of Israel.
Meanwhile back in the (not) Free State of Florida, Anna Eskamani shines like a diamond in a bucket of dead mullet.
She’s bright, she’s brave, and she won a swing seat in 2018.
She’s also bailing out of the Legislature to run for mayor of Orlando.
Maybe that will set her up for a future run for statewide office; maybe in a few years, the MAGAs will fed up with the Trumpocracy.
As for the national Dems, they might want to follow the lead of Sen. Bernie Sanders, who’s traveling the country on a Fighting Oligarchy tour, drawing thousands at town hall meetings.
Republicans tried the town hall thing but wilted in the face of public rage.
Still, I’m not sure simply turning a bright light on Republicans’ dictatorial tendencies, stupidity, and general jerkiness will be enough.
The Democrats kind of need some concrete, well-expressed, easily digested policies people (even people as dumb as MTG) understand will help, not hurt, them.
The problem is, by the time the Dems get it together, the government will have likely have been destroyed: no VA, no civil rights, no environmental protection, no accessible heath care, no science, no hurricane forecasters, no academic freedom.
On the upside, Trump is tanking the economy as fast as he can.
People do get a bit upset if they have no money.
Six-dollar avocados and $20 eggs will focus voters’ minds, even here in the Free State of Florida.
They might — just might — vote for a Democrat.
But don’t hold your breath.