Thank GOD we're safe from Hunter Biden!

Hunter Biden, President Joe Biden’s troubled son, has just been convicted on federal gun charges, and thank GOD for that, people.

I don’t know about you, but I feel safer already. I mean, who lies while trying to purchase a gun in America?

How long was this country supposed to wait until this beleaguered drug addict was finally prosecuted for his terrible, terrible crimes?????

Before typing further, I just want to congratulate and send my heartfelt thanks to United States Attorney General Merrick Garland for acting so bravely and with such alacrity to bring this evil man to justice.

Well done, sir!

And while I’m thanking God here, Merrick, I just want everybody to know how relieved I am that there was nothing else of importance that was pressing on you and your valuable time these past three years — like the attempted overthrow of our government on January 6, 2021.

You are a man who clearly has his priorities straight, because we have all been wondering when Hunter Biden would finally see justice, and America could move on from all the harm he has done to us.

When you boldly took the podium, and unflinchingly announced the “extraordinary circumstances” surrounding this “urgent matter” last August, and the need to spend millions in taxpayer money to appoint a special counsel to make sure this notorious criminal was taken off the streets, I think I speak for all of America when I say that we collectively breathed a deep sigh of relief.

Again I say, sir, how long were we supposed to wait? How long were we supposed to endure this never-ending nightmare??

-It’s not like this was the worst internal attack, or first attempted coup in American history or anything …

-It’s not like this was a vicious attack on our vote and the foundation of our Democracy.

-It’s not like this was some full-blown insurrection that sent lawmakers from both parties literally running for their lives, and our Vice President into hiding so he wouldn’t be hanged.

-It’s not like there were law enforcement officers being stomped into the pavement and beaten with Nazi and rebel flag poles by violent insurrectionists who did millions of dollars worth of damage to our Capitol.

-It’s not like there were hundreds and hundreds of fake electors out there trying to throw a monkey wrench into the gears of our election apparatus in a dastardly effort to prevent the certification of our vote.

-It’s not like there were pipe-bombers in the streets of D.C., looking to kill hundreds of people …

No, you were dealing with some truly horrific stuff while battering one of history’s most notorious evil-doers, Hunter Biden, with the full weight of the law.

You have really outdone yourself this time, buddy. You are a man who clearly understands your priorities, which are unlike any other priorities I’ve seen in an attorney general since Bill Barr.

I bet even he is astonished by the way you have interestingly comported yourself in this vital job the past three years.

By waiting until November 18, 2022, nearly two years after the bloodiest attack on our Capitol since the War of 1812, to appoint a special counsel, you showed just how serious you take your job of protecting the United States of America from people who mean it harm.

You brilliantly illustrated just what a grandmaster law-and-order expert you are. By God, you carefully considered the board, and deftly put yourself in check by pawning your responsibility off to somebody else.

Well done.

I mean, nobody could have seen Donald Trump running for president again with the sole intent of protecting himself from prosecution, and certainly not you.

By never charging ANY lawmaker connected to that awful attack that we all watched on TV, you expertly allowed one Republican after another to emerge from their bunkers and make a beeline to Mar-a-Lago bearing gifts and their apologies for ever doubting their orange idol in the first place.

Hell, you had even them fooled you were going to actually do something about the attack that they had been diligently trying to distance themself from for months.

What fools we all were for ever overestimating you.

You showed us!

It has now been 1,252 days since that horrific attack and not ONE lawmaker or federal official has been charged or jailed. And, thanks to you, we can be assured nobody will be until at least next year, when we may or may not have a Democracy left in this country.

Thank God, though, Hunter Biden is no longer around to torment and threaten us. I’ve been losing sleep over this. When will he finally be brought to justice? How many times were we supposed to relive all the terrible things he has done mostly to himself and his family?

Now we have our answer.

So congratulations, Merrick Garland, for keeping our country safe from Hunter Biden, while successfully ignoring the most ominous internal attack and threat to the United States since the Civil War.

D. Earl Stephens is the author of “Toxic Tales: A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters” and finished up a 30-year career in journalism as the Managing Editor of Stars and Stripes. Follow @EarlofEnough and on his website.