'Daddy’s home:' Conspiracies abound as MAGA storms DC bars for Trump's inauguration

WASHINGTON — It’s not that cold in the nation’s capital. So why’s Donald Trump’s inauguration indoors? There’s only one obvious conclusion: Deep State. Duh.

Trump hasn’t been back in Washington long, but he’s already made conspiracy theories great again—well, normalized, at the very least. And we ain’t seen nothing yet if his supporters — whether congressional Republicans or his MAGA base — are to be believed.

Just take Trump’s own inauguration, which many here believe was rigged. That’s right. Donald Trump may now be president again, but he’s not in charge, at least according to his diehard MAGA base.

That’s not in the Constitution…

There’s literally no evidence that anything but Washington’s 20-degree temperature — which feels like 13 with the wind whipping on this otherwise sunny day — played into the decision to move the inauguration indoors.

But don’t tell that to Trump’s base, especially not the ones who arrived at Capitol Hill bars at 7 am.

“Every person needs, like, five drinks,” a bartender complained to Raw Story of the early am MAGA faithful. “Water, coffee, Bloody Mary…”

It’s not the booze, though. Trump’s base knows what’s happening, especially regarding the indoor inauguration.

“This is not a weather problem,” a man in a red Trump 2024 cap proclaimed loudly after ordering an Irish coffee and Guinness a little before 11 am. “They don’t want Trump to get that picture out in front of the Capitol.”

Others know what was really, really happening. Of course, to them—BUT NOT TO LAW ENFORCEMENT—another assassination attempt was thwarted.

“There was a threat,” a lady confidently told her friend.

“Thank God they stopped it,” her friend replied, despite law enforcement never reporting a threat.

Then there’s Biden’s last-minute pardons, which have had Trump’s base buzzing all day.

“Go f— yourself!” someone yelled.

While the Constitution grants U.S. presidents pardon power, that’s not good enough for many of those celebrating Trump’s second term here in Washington.

“How can you be pardoned for a crime you haven’t committed?” Roger Tigner, a 53-year-old visiting from Ohio, exclaimed. “It’s treason!”

It all adds up to Tigner, who’s convinced the Jan. 6, 2021 attack on the Capitol was an inside job.

“If the government incites you,” Tigner said. “Then you can’t be charged with it.”

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That’s not in the Constitution. But what’s the dusty ole Constitution got to do with it? Nothing.

Others were in stunned disbelief when former Presidents Obama, Bush and Clinton appeared on screen, even though there was never any question about whether they’d attend.

“They said no former president was gonna be there,” a man in a red MAGA hat exclaimed

“There he is!” a lady said as she grabbed his arm and pointed to Bill Clinton on one of the screens overhead.

“Obama showed up,” another said.

“But not Michelle,” someone else chimed in.

“Hillary’s there.”

Silence.

“Everyone good?” the bartender said, breaking the silence.

“Daddy’s home”

Trump’s back in town, and there’s gonna be some trouble — if his supporters get their way, anyway.

“Punch him!” someone yelled as Presidents Joe Biden and Donald Trump appeared on screen together.

“Punch him in the face!” another person in the standing-room-only pub chimed in.

“He won’t feel it til tomorrow,” someone on the other side of the bar echoed.

Everyone, seemingly, laughed.

“Why’s Biden talking?” a man said. “Just get the f— out.”

“Happy liberation day!”

“Daddy’s home,” a 20-something-year-old Montanan exclaimed,

As Trump’s face splashed across one of the six TVs carrying the inauguration live, others got excited.

“Trump’s texting me again,” a young man said just after Trump was sworn in.

“Hell yeah,” another man replied.

“My brother just texted me that Biden pardoned his brother and entire family on the way out,” a man said.

“What a corrupt piece of s—.”

Then things got weird, and not because of the Trump rumor mill this time.

“I’m not sure if you noticed, but someone put ‘Womanizer’ by Britany Spears on,” a bartender confided in me. “I turned the volume down. That would not have gone over well.”

Or it could have gotten a standing ovation. This is Trump’s Washington, once again, after all.

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