Just as you thought MAGA couldn't get crazier, the idiocy hits hyperdrive

If every accusation is a confession from Trump and the MAGA cult, then every dumb thing they say or do is a distraction from the Epstein Files.

Despite his promise to release the files himself if he won the 2024 election, Trump has done everything in his power to block them from seeing the light of day. From the initial claims of a “Democratic hoax” to Pam Bondi claiming there was “no Epstein Client List” after saying it was on her desk, the “most transparent administration in history” has been anything but. Remember when the White House staged a photo op with multiple MAGA influencers holding binders full of redacted pages?

Now that Bondi has been replaced by Todd Blanche and he’s joined forces with his fellow Trumpsimp, Mike “Speaker Jesus Freak” Johnson, we’re really never getting anything else out of this compromised administration. Johnson has already announced that the House will be sent back home for the last two weeks of September — all, some say, to avoid a floor vote on the Epstein Files.

The House members are already set to be in district in October, taking them UP TO THE MIDTERMS, which is fully unacceptable. Save for Rep. Thomas Massie, it’s glaringly obvious that all House Republicans are participating in the Epstein cover-up. And it’s a given that Senate Republicans are as well, but at least they’re not blowing off work for weeks at a time (except Mitch McConnell, who’s allegedly coming back “soon”).

House Democrats should take advantage of all that time off to not just focus on winning the midterms and boosting downballot candidates, but also to create that Democratic Press Secretary position that I will never shut up about, just like I will never stop talking about the Epstein Files.

In the meantime, they sent JD “Vladimir Futon” Vance out there to handle a press conference on Thursday, and it went about as well as you might expect.

Vance refused to call the Iran war a war, then made disparaging remarks about the upcoming memorial honoring the 25th anniversary of the September 11th attacks and joked about looking forward to hanging out with former President Joe Biden at the ceremony. He conveniently sidestepped the fact that he’s only going to be there because King Baby Trump was denied the chance to make a speech and is staying home like the petty toddler he is.

Republicans are in full disarray at the moment, but they can’t possibly let on, so they’re out there trying to pull focus in a million different directions. Aside from the failure that is the Iran War (that’s not a war!), Trump’s upcoming two-day “Midterm RNC” is poised to be a full disaster. Expect bad optics from an “Epstein Filesmobile” that will be parked out front. And most invited Republicans are declining to attend, which means Trump will end up speechifying in front of a mostly empty audience, making him look even weaker.

Which means he’ll make everyone say it was a roaring success, and then he’ll still have a different daily take about Iran based on who he last spoke with before falling asleep on camera yet again.

In fact, the Trumpcringe has gone beyond anything we’ve ever seen from any political party. The GOP is experiencing collective torticollis from looking the other way every time Trump embarrasses America, and yet they’re all still pretending that everything Trump does is aces, even as he continues to be our biggest national security threat.

Right now they’re pretending that it’s totes normal and fine for Trump to arbitrarily rename Lake Ontario to “Lake America” (how original), with Apple and Google falling in line. But some smart person at MapQuest (*cue your printer crying because it hasn’t been used since you needed to print out something from MapQuest*) not only wasn’t having any of that Lake America business, but they created a meme generator so people could make up their own names.

And while this dumb thing is still dumb-ing, Trump sycophants are pretending that building him an arch is something to be super psyched about. Gas prices are astronomical (with diesel hitting an all-time high), whatever food isn’t contaminated or recalled is crazy expensive, measles has made a comeback, and more miseries are being heaped upon us, but Trump is getting his stupid Ego Arch.

I would love to know why Doug “Burgumeister” Burgum is this excited about something no one asked for nor needs. Washington, D.C. doesn’t belong to Trump, just like the White House doesn’t belong to him.

Trump has said it’s being built to “honor himself.”

With our taxpayer dollars.

And the same Republicans who were mad that Michelle Obama planted a vegetable garden at the White House are pretending it’s all normal, because they’re still compromised and scared Trump will spill what he knows about them.

But wait, there’s always more idiocy to distract from the Epstein Files!

The White House website introduced a new online video game where people can pretend to be ICE agents who get to “deport illegals.” This is when stupid and dangerous hook up to spawn some potentially awful offline incidents, but anything goes when you’re owning the Libs.

Btw, I’ve never once felt “owned” by hateful science deniers who don’t care about the crimes Trump has committed against women and (allegedly) children.

MAGA influencers who are already paid to lie for Trump are suddenly out there acting like Flock cameras and data centers are the best things ever! Like, who cares about privacy or people being issued tickets for traffic violations they didn’t make? And really, who needs clean drinking water, farmable land, and breathable air when data centers can replace people and further enrich billionaires?

Not MAGA, you weak Leftists! *facepalm emoji*

All of this stupidity, compounded with the GOP’s threats to mess with our midterms votes, has me more furious than ever about these morons sitting in the highest power positions in the land.

Don’t get distracted!