We now live in a country where the Republican Party has fully given itself over to authoritarianism with the razor-thin confirmation of Todd “Trumpsimp” Blanche as Attorney General.
You can tell they’re all super proud of their vote, because they held it in the wee hours of Saturday morning. None of them were coerced in any way into voting, obvs, especially not “Dr.” Bill Cassidy (R-LA), who sounded completely defeated and not at all terrified during his performative announcement from the Senate floor.
Once again, I’ll never understand why anyone is afraid of the bewigged convicted felon adjudicated rapist whose name appears in the Epstein Files at least 38,000 times, mainly because he blocked me on Twitter 11 years ago this month. The guy couldn’t handle some lady from Portland (via a New Jersey childhood in the '70s and '80s), so how could he possibly handle being the president?
If only Dr. Bill Cassidy still had enough medical knowledge to locate his own spine and used that moment on the Senate floor to declare to the world that Trump threatened him if he didn’t vote for Blanche, just like he was threatened if he didn’t vote for RFK Jr.
Instead, Bill Cassidy’s legacy is the Epstein Files cover-up.
Just like all of the other Trumpublicans, as I tried to warn them last week.
But Blanche isn’t alone in his blind loyalty to Trump. In fact, if they held a contest to see who’s spent more time burrowed inside Trump’s alimentary canal, the clear winner would be Speaker of the House Mike “Even Bigger Trumpsimp” Johnson. Like Bill Cassidy, Johnson is from “Loser-iana,” and enjoys ignoring how badly his state is doing while giving his entire life over to Trump.
But Johnson has really set himself apart by hiding behind his “Christian faith,” even as he’s involved in the Epstein Files cover-up at the highest possible level.
Many people have forgotten that before he was voted in as speaker, a group of House Republicans used the chamber floor to pray for MAGA Mike, who’s like if Davey from Davey and Goliath grew up to be a seriously repressed, compromised Jesus freak.
Anyway, Johnson’s devotion to Daddy Donny is disgusting on every level, but his depravity doesn’t end there. Johnson has been campaigning for Brandon Herrera, a Texan who’s running for Congress and uses the Twitter handle “TheAKGuy” (meaning he’s literally a gun manufacturer). Brandon is weakly trying to reclaim “Let’s Go Brandon,” even though Democrats stole that from MAGA and rebranded it as “Dark Brandon.” Aside from being incapable of being original, Bad Brandon seems to lean a little…Epsteinish, shall we say.
I tried to figure out a way to paraphrase Herrera’s own NSFW (or anywhere else on the planet) words about children amid the Epstein Files coverup, but it’s too vile.
The Speaker of the House is fine with that guy, just like he’s fine with the unspeakable things Trump is alleged to have done to children and the real things he’s been legally held accountable for. Johnson has never once prioritized the needs of the American people while in service to Trump, so maybe I shouldn’t have been that surprised when I learned that Speaker Jesus Freak was in Vancouver, Washington (just across the river from the Scary Librul Enclave of Portland, Oregon) last week for a campaign fundraising event for Washington State Senator John Braun.
Braun is challenging incumbent Democratic Rep. Marie Glusenkamp-Perez (D-WA) in the state’s 3rd District, which is where I lived from 2001 until 2022. “Rep MGP,” as she dubbed herself, is a “former Republican” who was a very late entry in the 2022 midterm elections, with Clark County, WA, Democrats ousting then-candidate Brent Hennrich for the sake of putting a woman in that seat. Rep MGP has been a controversial figure ever since, often voting with Republicans instead of with our party.
While it’s commonplace for high-ranking members of Congress to get out there to boost candidates, it’s pretty sus that the GOP sent the SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE to a brewpub, Trap Door Brewing, in the Couve (as the locals call it), especially since he’s such a holy Christian who claims to abstain from alcohol.
Similarly, the party sent Matt “Captain Venmo” Gaetz to WA-03 in 2021 to boost Joe Kent. I could contact the RNC to ask why they sent the SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE to stump for John Braun, but I’ll never get an answer.
Weird, huh?
The event, which was invite-only and not widely publicized (more weird!), was spearheaded by the bar’s owner, Bryan Shull, who’s running for a spot on the Vancouver City Council. It’s set off a major controversy, as the bar’s manager and employees had no idea Johnson was going to be in attendance.
And they’re MAD now that locals are boycotting and their suppliers are refusing to deliver to a “MAGA bar.”
I spoke with the manager, a woman who identified herself by her first name, Heather. Four regulars sat at the bar as she told me the timeline while she tried to maintain her composure. Shull made arrangements with the Secret Service to sweep and secure the location on Wednesday night, having handed over the keys as well as the alarm codes. The Clark County Sheriff’s Department provided security outside of the venue, “standing around drinking coffee,” according to Heather. When she was able to speak with Shull about the entire thing, he gave what she described as a “weak apology” — and she's now contemplating working elsewhere.
A post on the Trap Door Brewing Instagram made it clear that the staff doesn’t support their boss, but the damage is done. Like Mike Johnson and everyone else associating with Trump, their rep is forever tarnished.