Even Trump's sycophantic lapdog is quivering now

Spring is in the air … robins are bouncing around the backyard, yanking up worms, flowers sporting all colors of the rainbow are stretching hard for the sky, and former Vice President Mike Pence is tiptoeing onto the Sunday morning news shows and delicately trying to detach himself from America’s angry, orange 300-lb cyst.

For 1,461 days, the one-time Indiana governor was literally a heartbeat, or a lack of one, away from ascending to the most powerful office in the world.

Pence, of course, was No. 2 to the No. 1 most corrupt, morally busted president in U.S. history from 2017 to 2021. He was unflinchingly loyal to the racist, America- and woman-abusing Donald Trump, and often at an embarrassing level.

He had the singular talent of melting away into the background and making himself completely invisible, while his grotesque boss harrumphed his way around the world making our country look small, while becoming more bloated and full of himself by the day.

Pence knew his proper place in the administration was as far away from the limelight as possible. He was nothing but an expensive blue suit who hung himself neatly in the closet at the end of each lonely day spent in the shadows.

He was the perfect submissive sidekick for the sick, malignant narcissist, who has never been able to see anything past the end of those signature red ties that slop across his fat belly and hang down over his chubby, little feet. Everything was about this wreck of a man, and if Pence wasn’t good with that, nobody, with the possible exception of his wife, “Mother,” would have known it.

Cabinet members came and went during those chaotic four years, some exiting Trump’s wobbly orbit loudly calling him “a moron,” while others slithered away more quietly, out of the line of fire with hopes of landing a book deal and well-paid gigs on Rupert Murdoch’s noxious, right-wing propaganda channel.

But Pence stayed put, staring straight ahead and far off into the distance, literally thinking God knows what, while his racist boss defended Nazis, Putin, and the greedy billionaires, who attacked our environment, human rights, and democracy.

Well, we all know how it ended for Pence and the first iteration of the Greatest Woe on Earth.

Trump almost died from the pandemic he refused to take seriously, and then Pence almost died certifying our vote when his dark lord let loose his orcs in the Capitol on January 6, 2021, in an attempt to overthrow the government.

It would be the last anybody heard from Pence until three years later, when he ran one of the most inconsequential presidential campaigns in history, branding himself as a real conservative Republican.

Trouble was, there was already something far more shiny, and a woman no less, occupying that shrinking lane in their eroding party. Nikki Haley, not Pence, would end up being the weak GOP alternative to the ghastly Trump.

Defeated, left by his old boss as fresh roadkill, Pence was free to finally fade away into the farmlands of Indiana, to join his buddy, Dan Quayle. The two former Hoosier VPs could trade stories as two of the most notable footnotes in American history — both second fiddles to failed, off-key, one-term Republican presidents.

That’s when Pence sprung his first spring surprise. Instead of fading into the Indiana countryside, he took to the Fox propaganda airways in March of 2024, and decided to let everybody know he’d changed his tune. Though to hear him tell it, he was still singing from the same sheet of music he always had.

“It should come as no surprise that I will not be endorsing Donald Trump this year,” he said matter-of-factly.

He was right. It wasn’t surprising, it was completely shocking. After all, this was the same guy who raised his hand like a rocket during a GOP debate in the fall of 2023 when the group of presidential wannabes on the stage were asked if they would support Trump as the party's nominee even if he were convicted of a crime.

It was around the time Trump was calling the lowlifes who attacked our country and also wanted Pence dead, “hostages.”

Turned out, even Mike Pence was capable of sharpening a hickory stick and drawing a line in the sand, for all the good it did him — and us.

I wrote at the time that:

“Mike Pence didn’t need to say anything. Something or someone changed his mind. And if something or someone was capable of changing Pence’s mind, then Pence and his actions, however late, were capable of changing the minds of others who are still on the fence about supporting the gruesome Trump. In an election that could be close, these are the things that can make a real difference.”

I feel almost wistful re-reading those words, because they seemed to have some heft and consequence at the time. Unfortunately, looking back a long year later they can best be viewed as nothing but wishful thinking on my part.

We know how the damn election in 2024 turned out. We know too many Americans have a death wish, and zero respect for themselves or our country. We are ALL in a terrible, terrible spot because of it …

So on Sunday, with America’s reputation once again in a free-fall thanks to his repulsive former boss, the invisible Mike Pence sauntered onto the studio of Meet the Press, sat down with host Kristen Welker, and in his Mike Pence wayvery stoically and politely said what so-called conservatives like Haley haven’t the guts to say.

He took on Trump’s tariffs:

“The initial reciprocal tariffs that he unveiled would be the largest peacetime tax hike on the American people in the history of this country. What I see in this administration is a steady drive toward a baseline of maybe even 10 percent tariffs that I think would be harmful to jobs in America. It would be harmful to consumers in America. As the president has said to me many times, he has a sense that other countries pay tariffs, when the reality is, when Americans buy goods overseas, the company that imports those goods in this country pays the tariff and more often than not passes that along in higher prices to consumers.”

Trump’s anti-American rhetoric:

"I've never been a fan of American presidents criticizing America on foreign soil. To have POTUS in Saudi Arabia questioning America's global war on terror and describing it as nation building and interventionism I thought was a disservice to generations of Americans who wore the uniform — particularly given that speech in Saudi Arabia where 15 of the (9/11) 19 hijackers hailed from."

Russia:

"It's been roughly three years since Russia launched its unprovoked, brutal invasion in the Ukraine ... Putin only understands strength ... I honestly think the time has come for President Trump to impose a harsh sanctions on Russia and also increase military support for Ukraine."

Bribery:

“Well, I think first we've got to remember who Qatar is. We've got a military base there. I have members of our immediate family that have deployed to the region. But Qatar has a long history of playing both sides. They support Hamas. They supported Al Qaeda. Qatar has actually financed pro-Hamas protests on American campuses across the United States. So, the very idea that we would accept an Air Force One from Qatar I think is inconsistent with our security, and with our intelligence needs. And my hope is the president reconsiders it. I think if Qatar wants to make a gift to the United States, they ought to take that $400 million and plow it into infrastructure on our military base.”

Pardoning insurrectionists:

“Individuals who broke into the Capitol, who assaulted police officers, I said that day and I believe to this moment should have been prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. But the people that engaged in violence — you know, we're at the end here of Police Week in Washington, D.C. That's where the families of fallen officers come to our nation's capital every year to remember those who died in the line of duty. And the heroes on January 6 were all wearing uniforms. I mean, they held the line. They made it possible for us to secure the Capitol, reconvene the Congress, and complete our work under the Constitution the very same day. And for my part, I will always believe to have pardoned the people that assaulted police officers that day was wrong.”

Yes, he said all that, while also delicately sprinkling in praise for Trump, because even though he wouldn’t admit it, he somehow sees a future in the party, and doesn’t have a death wish.

So I’ll respond by reiterating what I typed last year after his first surprising spring appearance:

“I disagree with Pence on almost everything on the political spectrum. His ugly, white 1950s take on America is gross and insulting to everybody who has fought for their rightful place to be stitched into America’s colorful fabric. The guy doesn't deserve a Profile in Courage Award, but he did think it was important enough to put his life on the line once again, this time by saying publicly that he doesn’t think Trump, the guy he faithfully served for four years, should ever be our president again.”

Now that Trump is back, I still feel this bleeding country would be undeniably safer, healthier, and better-served if more conservatives like Pence had just a shred of honor, decency, and self-respect, and said what the hell so desperately needs saying, and what so many of these cowards are thinking.

I’d even argue that unless they do — unless there are cooler heads on the other side of spectrum who at least say out loud that pardoning people who attacked us is wrong, for instance — we are not going to make it.

We need to hear far more from people like Mike Pence, not less.

Of course, I’ve been wrong before …

(D. Earl Stephens is the author of “Toxic Tales: A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters” and finished up a 30-year career in journalism as the Managing Editor of Stars and Stripes. You can find all his work here, and follow him on Bluesky here.)