Sarah Palin's deep-thinking matchmaking service is open for business, so send money

John McCain legacy highlight and Bible Belt yuckster Sarah Palin made a very important announcement on her ShoutyFace page yesterday  that she is going to be making very important announcements on her ShoutyFace page real soon that will save our "free republic" from people who are just in it to "line their own pockets".

Let that sink in for a minute. I'll wait....

Well, okay, then.

According to whomever re-assembles Sarah's divinely-inspired glossolalia into approximations of ideas, Sarah's Shecky of the Tundra routine last week at CPAC was a clarion call to America that it "needs bold Constitutional conservative leaders who will fight for us with intelligence and integrity to restore our exceptional nation and preserve the blessings of liberty and prosperity" which is her round-about way of telling us that she sure as hell won't be running again.

But buck up, Little Patriots. Via her SarahPac grift organization (donation request email to follow), Sarah will be anointing many lucky candidates across this Great Land Of Ours with her endorsement, or 'taint', as it is known in some circles. And don't think that Sarah hasn't give her choices some really deep vetting and stuff unlike that A.B. Culvahouse guy who obviously mailed it in back in 2008. No sireee...

Lots of vetting and research goes into these endorsements because this is for YOU. It’s to allow you to take a closer look at good men and women with servants’ hearts who are willing to get in the rough and tumble arena to help save America. Please do your own homework on candidates; never put all your hopes and unattainable expectations in anyone running for office (because humankind’s imperfections aren’t absent in politicians), but know that I’ve been diligent and pragmatic in choosing patriots whom I believe we can trust to do the right thing. I never want to let you down!

Also, too:

And you know me well enough by now; you know I do my homework; I use discernment, and then I go with my gut.

Here is homework-doin' g-droppin' Sarah Palin talking 'bout the economy:

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And here is pulled-an-all-nighter-before-finals Sarah Palin:

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And here is thesis bibliography Sarah Palin:

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But never mind all that, Sarah is going to put SarahPac to work electing these candidates who "put service over self and principles over politics. They’re not going to D.C. to get cozy with the permanent political class or feather their nests off the crony capitalism running rampant in the swamp."

And how will SarahPac do that?

The same way it did it during the 2011-12 election cycle when SarahPac collected 0ver $5.1 million dollars and dispensed a whopping $235,000 on candidates, with over $4.1 million going towards 'fundraising, administrative, strategy and research, and media.'

You like pie? Who doesn't like pie?

(click to enlarge)

But, you know, her endorsement, that has to be worth something. Right?

Just ask Senators Joe Miller, Christine O'Donnell, Sharon Angle, Josh Mandel, Dan Bongino, Richard Mourdock, and Tom Smith....

But before we go, no post about Sarah Palin is complete without a little mad-lib word salad, particularly when we just had pie:

I’ll roll out endorsements in coming days; I’ll ask you to support the good guys, and we’ll all covet prayers for them and for the great awakening I’m confident our nation is experiencing as people open their eyes to the present harsh reality but also to America’s future positive possibilities as we seek our nation’s good destiny!

Bless her servants grifters heart...

[Image via Donkey Hoty on FLICKR, Creative Commons licensed]