Yes, we are all aware of the fact that irony died a tragic death by suicide sometime late in 2016, and yet its ghost still haunts the Trump administration, dragging chains heavy enough to compel a theoretical physicist to declare the "spirit" is alive — and not at all well.
On Thursday, news broke that the technician Donald Trump has used to load his teleprompter before major speeches had made $100,000 on Kalshi — the internet betting site where, yes, you can gamble on who wins the World Cup (Argentina at 42%) or even how many times President Donald Trump will say "Iran" during his evening speech.
Of course, the teleprompter guy has been making significant money for quite a while, knowing what Trump will say. The only bet that one couldn't find was a line on Trump saying, "I am truly sorry, it was my fault."
But it appears that Gabriel Perez, the teleprompter technician in trouble, could possibly have arranged a 1% chance on Trump saying such a thing, perhaps something akin to, "Quite obviously, I should have become president in 2008, and things would be much better now, with me still president 18 years later, and for that I am truly sorry, it was my fault for allowing someone to convince me that my greatness needed to wait" — or something equally stupid. One dollar becomes $100, and Gabriel Perez would be, as he has been to this point, an almost laughably amateur player in Trump administration corruption.
You just knew it would be a Hispanic man to take the fall, didn't you? According to ABC News:
According to the sources, Kalshi alerted its regulator, the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC), to the suspicious activity on its "Mentions" market, where users can bet on whether specific words, phrases, or topics are uttered during a public speech.
Wow, the CFTC is really on the ball, am I right? And yeah, the Trump administration felt terribly bad about it all because this pittance is against the rules:
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters Thursday afternoon, following ABC News' report, that Perez has been put on unpaid administrative leave. Leavitt said she spoke with President Trump about it, and he thought it was a "disgrace" and made the decision himself to put Perez on unpaid leave.
"Because everyone in this White House knows, there is at least a one-million-dollar minimum on administration corruption, or you're on your own, loser," Karoline Leavitt did NOT go on to say, but she may as well have because we knew what she meant.
Hear those chains? Yes, irony's ghost follows Leavitt around like a lovesick teenager, and Trump like a low-level bagman.
I mean, come on. Either get in the game and commit, or take your chances that you'll get used as a trophy catch, hung out to dry as an "example" of how clean this administration runs, when he was just doing his best to act like his boss.
After all, it was Trump's brokerage account that bought Intel stock reportedly in the $1 million–$5 million range during the first quarter of 2026, along with numerous other technology stocks. And then, guess what? Separately, Trump made announcements regarding China and tariffs, moving markets significantly, leading to absolute outrage because his brokerage account did amazingly "fine."
Did Trump call himself a disgrace and put himself on administrative leave? No, Trump says that his brokerage account acts independently. Does that sound like the president you know? The likelihood is that Trump guided those trades and lied about it.
Meanwhile, Uday and Qusay... sorry, fact check, sons Don Jr. and Eric Trump are heavily invested in companies that just happen to get heavy "Department of War" contracts. From the Washington Post:
Donald Trump Jr., through 1789 Capital, and Eric Trump, through American Ventures/Dominari, invested in numerous defense-technology companies after Trump's reelection. Those companies subsequently received billions of dollars in Pentagon contracts, contract options, or eligibility for future awards. The Washington Post identified more than a dozen such companies, collectively receiving over $3 billion in government business after the investments.
By all appearances and consistent with past accusations, it sure looks like the Trump family skips over the small percentage fee Kalshi charges and just places perfect bets in investments that hit just as solidly as the number of times Trump says "Iran" in a speech.
And never mind the 747s and the appearance of pay for pardons, this poor sap (Hey, $100k in this administration is like breadline poor) is the one feeling the heat of a president who says Gabriel Perez is a "disgrace" and on leave.
The guy should actually get a medal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make money on the shady side of this administration and be called a disgrace? Kalshi would put it under one percent, but now we're drifting. It is hard not to escape the sense that if Perez simply had the sense (and the brokerage account, but he was getting there), to jump when Donald Trump tweeted about Palantir's greatness and bought some "PLTR" stock seconds after it was tweeted, get a nice percentage for the day, he'd be promoted to writing speeches on the limitless opportunities in the Trump economy.
** Hold up: I don't know whether "PLTR" immediately jumped in value, but since Perez was into betting, THAT would've been a good one, having it traded seconds after the tweet.
Had poor Perez simply been in the "right market" — meaning the stock market or owning shares of a closely held corporation, he would not be hailed as a hero by many of us in this country, but only because his name would get lost in the dozens of other administration officials acting similarly or doing and making much, much more.
True, there is no law against a president or vice president acting in a complete conflict of interest, other than that big law called "Articles of Impeachment." But Trump seems to consider articles of impeachment to also be a conflict of interest and of no relevance to him.
But what is the Kalshi line on a Trump official fired for profiting off the administration's moves? OH! And whoops, here comes irony again to teach us a lesson.
Chains dropped to the floor: If you are going to rip people off through pure power moves based on knowledge gleaned during lunch or a speech with "your president," then for God's sake, make it worth it! If you eclipse that million-dollar baseline, it might be seen as pure American capitalism at its finest, protected by the law of the land, now reduced to the man himself.
You might even be welcomed for a round of golf with your hero. Of course, you would have to pay the greens fees. Those are probably really steep on such an afternoon, if you know what I mean.
Last thing, be extra careful to earn an extra zero with a Hispanic name. Sorry, Mr. Perez, you are, actually, a disgrace. But wow, man... What are the odds?
Never mind.
Jason Miciak is a Rawstory Columnist and former Editor of Occupy Democrats, an author, political consultant, attorney, and single parent girldad. Please follow him on Bluesky, and he can be reached at jasonmiciak@gmail.com, and reads and appreciates the comments.