Abby Zimet, Common Dreams

In a dystopian appearance before the House Homeland Security Committee, robotic sycophant and Cosplay Barbie Kristi Noem dodged, lied and gaslighted her way through questions from angry lawmakers about illegally disappearing migrants, defying court orders, arresting mayors, deporting children with cancer, declining a basic proof of life request or even acknowledging a massive photo of fake tattoos put before her because, "The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears."'

The absurdist, infuriating spectacle played out as Kilmar Abrego Garcia, along with many other Venezuelans, marked three months in El Salvador's hellhole of a prison, and as a spiteful regime that "knows no shame and has no bottom" released a Shepard-Fairey-like poster of the now-iconic Kilmar - "We call this one not a Maryland Dad" - with a giant "MS-13" replacing Obama's "Hope," evidently because, "'We accidentally sent a Maryland dad to a foreign torture prison and can’t be bothered to get him back' doesn’t poll well outside the extreme MAGA fringe." It was amidst their smears and turpitude that Homeland Security's deeply complicit ICE Barbie faced off against Dems repulsed by her so-called leadership - endless photo-ops in tactical gear and "cosplaying as every Fox News fever dream," flagrant sidestepping of court orders, a sickening, staged, well-coiffed performance, complete with $50,000 Rolex, before the silent, shackled prisoners in El Salvador's CECOT.

All of this represents "a sad day for DHS." said Bennie Thompson, Democrats' ranking member, though he added he was glad she took time off from her photo-ops and costumes - cowgirl, firefighter, "Every day is Halloween!" - to testify. Then he lit into her. "Even when, Madame Secretary, my Republican colleagues and I had strong disagreements, we still did our duty to keep America safe," he said. "But that's not the case any longer. On your watch, the department is breaking the law, it's hurting people, and it's making America less safe. The Trump administration is outright lying to the courts and the American people." Promptly confirming his charges, Noem, "this vile, contemptuous, plastic creature" and "dead-eyed puppy murderer," then offered up enough twisted opinions - yes everyone ICE arrested has received due process, yes suspending habeas corpus is probably warranted - to explain the popularity of a South Dakota bumper sticker, "Kristi Noem Is A Monster."

She defended the arrest of Newark Mayor Ras Baraka at a New Jersey ICE facility, where he joined three Dem lawmakers seeking to exercise Congressional oversight, claiming he tried to "storm" the site in “a political stunt that put the safety of law-enforcement officers, agents, staff, and detainees at risk," despite video showing burly ICE agents shoving the visitors. "They were cooperating with criminals to create criminal acts," she raved on Fox News. "This was committing felonies. This was attacking people who stand up for the rule of law." Baraka's response: "Bullshit." Noem also defended/lied about deporting a four-year-old U.S. citizen with Stage 4 cancer to Honduras with her mom, falsely claiming the mother had consented to the action. Rep. Seth Magaziner: "You have been sloppy. Your department has been sloppy. And instead of focusing on real criminals, you have allowed innocent children to be deported while you fly around the country playing dress-up for the cameras."

Noem went still lower in response to Rep. Robert Garcia's questions about Andry Hernández Romero, an openly gay make-up artist shipped to El Salvador and held incommunicado though he'd come to this country legally seeking asylum, passed a credible fear interview, and committed no crime; a journalist identified him crying “I’m innocent” and “I’m gay” as CECOT guards shaved his head. Grabbed for his tattoos - of his parents' names and crowns for a hometown festival - Romero worked at the Miss Venezuela pageant, his lawyer said: "His social media is full of beauty queens." "We are paying to lock this young gentleman up forever," said Garcia, who pleaded with Noem to do "a proof of life check on Andry just to see if he is alive." Nope, said Noem, not my problem. Also, "ask El Salvador," "how things should be implemented," "utilizing the tools Congress has given us," "jurisdiction." Garcia angrily persisted, citing "humanity," clearly in vain. Noem refused, blankly, stonily repeating ask Bukele. Comment: "The souls of these people took flight."

Perhaps the day's most chilling, surreal, propaganda-at-its-finest, sociopathic-flunky-of-the-regime-will-not-defy-great-talking-yam moment came when Rep. Eric Swalwell challenged the deportation of Kilmar Abrego Garcia by producing a large poster board of the Trump-touted, atrociously photo-shopped image of MS-13 tattoos on his knuckles and asked Noem to look at it, and say if she thought it was "doctored or not doctored." Famously, the image was first presented by Trump, who in a cringey interview with ABC News’ Terry Moran insisted the tattoos were real even though experts said and any imbecile except this one could see they were fake. Trump, exulted: "He has MS-13 on his knuckles, tattooed!" Moran, embarrassed: "That was photo-shopped." Trump, whining: "You're not being very nice...Why don't you just say, 'Yes he does.'" (He then also undid all his previous arguments by alternately saying he didn't have the power to return Abrego Garcia and "we have lawyers that don’t want to do this.”)

Because Noem is not an imbecile so much as a sick evil fuck, her stonewalling was more impressive. Ignoring Swalwell's request and unhelpful facts - Abrego Garcia had a protection order preventing his removal, regime lawyers admit he was deported through "administrative error," SCOTUS ruled 9-0 the regime must facilitate his return, evidence of him being a gang member is non-existent no matter how loudly Stephen Goebbels Miller rants he had “extensively documented membership" and was a “clear and present danger (to) the American people" - Noem simply, repeatedly refused to look at the photo. Instead, she reverted - "If you look round the back you'll find a ring pull and a bit of string" - to the robotic babbling of talking points: Abrego Garcia "is an El Salvador resident who has been treated appropriately,” "the mission of Homeland Security is to secure our nation," etc, thereby inadvertently proving, "The people claiming to protect our nation from terrorists are in fact terrorists themselves."

Swalwell stubbornly persisted: “It's a simple yes or no question. The letters M-S and the numbers 13 - are those doctored or not?” At one point he asked an aide to move the image and wield it in Noem's face before asking again; she yammered on in a Botoxed monotone, immersed in a political theater piece for a demented audience of one. Swalwell dismissed it. "Madame Secretary, I have a 7-year-old, a six-year-old, and a three-year-old," he said wearily. "I have a built-in bullshit detector." He went back to asking one of the country's chief law enforcement officials of a photo that's "been hanging out here for four weeks": Doctored or not? Finally, she landed on her last, improbable dodge: "I have no knowledge of that photo you're pointing to," thus rendering her the only person in America who hadn't yet seen it. "I'm a former prosecutor. I have put people away for life sentences," said a furious Swalwell. "What makes me different from you (is) I did it with the weight of the law behind me.”

In contrast, amidst her motorized monologue, Noem slipped and revealed her own lawlessness by declaring - under oath, in defiance of SCOTUS and other court orders, "We will not be bringing (Abrego Garcia) back." "Pretty sure the credibility thing is off the table," was one comment. "Time for contempt or perjury charges." In normal times, yes. Instead, Noem, like her venal boss, may be getting a plane. In a last-minute budget change, the Coast Guard has requested a new $50 million Gulfstream jet to replace her old one. Yammered the acting Coast Guard Chief, “Meeting the needs of (our) men and women doing frontline operations is (a) top operational priority of the Secretary.” Presumably, with a make-up studio and yuge closet for all the Barbie outfits. And - "You get a car, and you get a car! - she might get a reality TV show where immigrants compete for a chance to earn citizenship. Per the pitch, “We’ll join in the laughter, tears, frustration, and joy (as) we are reminded how amazing it is to be American.” Indeed.

This week saw a seedy, craven parade of MAGA stooges trooping into court to pay fealty to their two-bit mob-boss on trial for cooking the books to hide hush money payments to a porn star so he could get elected to a job he was stupefyingly unfit for, and still is. Then "God's most pathetic Republicans" - from Mike Handmaid’s Tale to the Beetlejuice Lady - brazenly violated his gag order for him to declare the rule of law "a sham." Nope, nothing to see here.

The GOP, of course, is already a toxic mix of idiocy, rancor and racism we always think can't go any lower until they inevitably do. This week, Florida's Ron DeFascist signed a bill deleting the term "climate change" from state laws in the witless name of owning "radical green zealots"; the action forbids any consideration of potential climate effects of greenhouse gas emissions from energy policy in the rapidly sinking state, weakens regulation of fossil fuel pipelines, and thank God "keeps windmills off our beaches." And in law-and-order Texas, his feral colleague Greg Abbott just pardoned racist groomer Daniel Perry after serving just one year of a 25-year sentence for murdering BLM protester and Air Force veteran Garrett Foster in 2020. Abbott, who notably refused to recommend a posthumous pardon for George Floyd for a 2004 drug arrest - years before he was choked to death by police - touted Texas' "‘Stand Your Ground’ laws of self-defense that cannot be nullified by a jury or a progressive District Attorney,'" confirming, one critic said, "There are two classes of people in this state, where some lives matter and some lives do not."

But Republicans sank still lower this week with the servile pilgrimage of multiple MAGA sycophants to the crime-and-bird-shit-stained altar of their ugly shell of a tinpot dictator, now charged with 34 counts of falsifying business records to cover up cheating on his wife when she was home with their infant son and then persistently lying about it. As further illustration of how deeply into ethical loathsomeness the GOP has sunk, these are the same goons who, after he admitted to his pussy-grabbing exploits on the "Access Hollywood" tape, at least had the good grace to scurry to distance themselves while making fake horrified noises. Now, at the mercy of an unshackled, sputtering bully vowing revenge on any turncoats - and their own unfathomable slavish devotion to him - such moral niceties seem quaint. And so they flocked there, cartoon villains in their goofy, unctuous, matching red ties and navy suits - they got the memo! - to kneel before their preposterous monarch. After weeks alone in court - not even grim Melania - he was jubilant. "I do have a lot of surrogates," he beamed when asked, "and they are speaking very beautifully."

Thus summoning the queasy spectacle of the "family-values" party rushing to defend a serial sexual predator banging a porn star, the appearance of the feckless likes of J.D. Vance, Byron Donalds, Doug Burgum, Vivek Ramaswamy and Tommy 'Dumb As A Rock' Tuberville - the Republicans aren't sending their best, or are they? - was widely mocked as a "demeaning," "ridiculous," "embarrassing," “both thuggish and pathetic," "utterly humiliating" act of obeisance by MAGA plus-ones eager to drop their day jobs to win tawdry Brownie points. Serving as ignorant "Mouths of Sauron," they stayed in court for 45 minutes, came out to a press conference and violated Trump's gag order for him: The trial is a sham, a scam, a witch hunt, a Biden show trial (albeit put in motion by juries of regular Americans) and the judge and his family are crooks. Burgum: "The American people have already acquitted (Trump)." Donalds: "There's nothing wrong here, there's nothing that's been done poorly by (Trump), the only thing being done wrong is by this judge." Tuberville, saying the quiet part out loud (see dumb): "We're here to overcome this gag order."

Still, it got weirder. According to Trump's gag order, everything his lackeys did was likely illegal. It forbids him, not just to say what they said, but to direct "others to make public statements" about attorneys, court staff, their family members, the proceedings. Which presumably includes, as several journalists reported, Trump sitting in court editing speeches for his lap-dogs to repeat to the press. The most "gob-smacking" part: The arrival of "shiny-eyed Christian nationalist" and second-in-line to the presidency Mike Johnson with an "all-out assault (on) the federal and state legal systems foundational to the U.S. government." Johnson called the court "corrupt," attacked Judge Merchan's daughter - "Among the atrocities is (her) making millions of dollars fundraising for Democrats" (who's Ginni Thomas?) - said "these are politically motivated trials" and declared Trump "innocent." Jamie Raskin: "I don’t find anything unusual about a fundamentalist theocrat who thinks the Bible is the supreme law of the land attending the legal proceedings of an adjudicated sexual assailant and world-class fraudster for (covering up) payments to conceal (an) adulterous affair. Do you?"

Because the GOP is shameless and irony is dead, the next day Johnson - the Congressional architect of the effort to overturn the 2020 election who's already said it's his "duty" to do it again if needed, a position deemed on "the far-right fringes of American legal thought" - turned up at a House "Back the Blue” event to proclaim, "We've got to make crimes criminal again" and promote a California sheriff, Oath Keeper and Jan. 6 fan-boy who decries "the sick and twisted progressive social experiment." Because Trump, the House also voted to delay their “urgent” hearing to hold A.G. Merrick Garland in contempt for the imaginary crime of refusing to hand over information they already have - specifically, the audio of Biden’s interview with special counsel Robert Hur, though they have the transcript. Ranking Dem Jerry Nadler blasted the "political theater" of Gym Jordan et al who've spent $20 million to investigate conspiracy theories that have "delivered Exactly Nothing" while delaying House business to attend the trial of a madman who just praised "the late, great Hannibal Lecter" and "defend (him) against frankly indefensible acts."

Despite Laura Ingraham's pan of the courtroom - "The air is musty, the floors are old, the benches are hard oak" - a "new band of jesters" arrived Thursday to attend/hold court briefly and attack everyone. This time it was far-right cranks Lauren Boebert, who missed court for her miscreant son facing 22 charges including a felony and multiple misdemeanor property thefts but found time to come trash Judge Merchan's daughter - "millions and millions of dollars" - and Matt Gaetz, who once sought a pardon from Trump while under now-renewed investigation for sex-trafficking a teen girl and said the D.A. made up "the Mr. Potato Head of crimes” against Trump. If irony hadn't died, we'd say Gaetz looked just like Mr. Potato Head - sorry, Potato - when he echoed the Proud Boys ina selfie with other toadies that read, "Standing back and standing by, Mr. President," earning a sublime "Bootlicker" troll: "Not all heroes wear capes." The final cringe: Boebert, her cohort gone, shrieking into the mike, "What is the crime?!" as people yell "Beetlejuice!" at her. "They may have gagged (Trump)," she wrote later. "They didn't gag me. They cant gag me. i have no gag reflex. I am ungaggable."

Later, once the bootlickers returned to D.C., the House held their let's-do-something-to-Merrick-Garland hearing. It did not go well. It went so unwell it may have proved, per one sage, "This country has been stuck in Junior High since 2015." It may have also proved, for the first time, Klan Mom MTG correct when she recently whined, "(Americans) are looking at Republicans in Washington and laughing at us. They think we are a complete joke." Alas, in more (dead) irony, she confirmed it when she and Jasmine Crockett, who's way above her pay grade, got into it after Marge lobbed a "fake eyelashes" barb at her so low Jamie Raskin retorted, "That’s beneath even you, Ms. Greene." So it went. Jeers, yelps, havoc. AOC deemed MTG's puerile rants "absolutely unacceptable" with, "Oh, girl. Baby girl." Crockett asked to clarify the rules if, say, she dissed someone's "bleach blonde, bad-built, butch body." Comer, befuddled: "Uhh, what now?" Raskin face-palmed. After a brief recess, Boebert took the floor: "I just want to apologize to the American people. When things get (so) heated, unfortunately it’s an embarrassment on our body as a whole." Wait. Boebert as the adult in the room? When pigs fly. Nothing to see here.