Michele Bachmann jewsplains to U.S. Jews that they are buzzkilling her End Times dream date
Michele Bachmann (R-North Bedlam) is not very happy with American Jews. No siree, she most definitely is not.
After all that American conservative evangelical Christians have done for The Chosen People, they persist in not choosing Republicans at the voting booth. C’mon, you guys! The Bible-thumpers are totally looking the other way about that little misunderstanding a couple of thousand years ago when you guys kinda-sorta killed Their Lord and Savior, The Prince of Peace, Son ‘O God: Jesus “MC J.C” Christ.
So can you folks of the Hebrew persuasion maybe help a Brother In Christ out and vote for a Republican, even if he’s a Mormon, once in awhile?
C’mon …. be a mensch (Jewish for: ‘cool dude’) just once!
Apparently it’s not in the Kabbalah cards, so Michele sat down with Tony Perkins from the Family Research Council, (‘Murican for: ‘chock full ‘o Godbotherers’) to explain that U.S Jews are bring about the destruction of their homeland – which is, admittedly, kind of bad for them – but it’s actually really worse for her because she’s not getting any younger and the End Times aren’t getting here any faster.
And you know why?
According to Right Wing Watch, Michele says it’s all because of those meddling Jews and that schvartzer in the, previously, White House:
The Jewish community gave him their votes, their support, their financial support and as recently as last week, forty-eight Jewish donors who are big contributors to the president wrote a letter to the Democrat [sic] senators in the US Senate to tell them to not advance sanctions against Iran. This is clearly against Israel’s best interest. What has been shocking has been seeing and observing Jewish organizations who it appears have made it their priority to support the political priority and the political ambitions of the president over the best interests of Israel. They sold out Israel.
Why it was just last year when Bachmann warned that the End Times Are Nigh:
“This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history.”
“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann continued. “When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”
Cosmology note: Noah opens nationwide on March 28, so that has to mean something. Right?
Anyway, everybody knows that Jesus won’t come back until Israel is all nice and tidy, so it would be greatly appreciated if the U.S. Jews would clean up their act, stop hanging around with riff-raff (like giving him money and smokes), and stop treating Israel like a frat house; maybe make the bed, wash a few dishes and take out the empties.
Then, when He gets here, the Jews can all convert which will totally make up for that little whoopsie-doodle! from a couple of thousand years ago…
Bless your Savior-denying (John. 1:11) hearts…
[Image via DonkeyHotey on FLICKR, Creative Commons licensed]