On last night’s episode of The Nightly Show, Larry Wilmore went after states that are attempting to limit what items people can spend their welfare and food stamps on.
First, he addressed the situation in Kansas, in which lawmakers are attempting to pass a bill that bans welfare recipients from spending money at, for example, movie theaters, nail salons, pools and spas, liquor stores, and casinos.
“Some of that I get,” Wilmore said. “Welfare comes as cash assistance cards now, you know, which is basically like an ATM card.” The bill, however, would limit daily withdrawals to $25.
“It doesn’t make sense — I think finding an ATM that spits out $5 bills is even harder than finding a job,” he added. “Kansas, you’re cray. Did you know that while you’re limiting how poor people spend their money, you’re $30 billion in debt? You’re so low on funds that you’re closing schools early.”
“Kansas, if poor people can’t tell you to stop wasting taxpayer money, why don’t you stop telling them how to spend theirs?”
Wilmore moved on to Missouri, where Republican representative Rick Brittan is proposing legislation that would ban people from purchasing items like lobster, steak, and energy drinks with food stamps in order to “remove the luster” of being on public assistance.
Brittan said that the ban would have a “drawback effect,” to which Wilmore replied, “like how poor people’s stomachs will draw back? But it begs the question, how can the government waste so much money, but demand poor people account for every purchase?”
At that point, the “Queen of the Welfairies” arrived. “Where did you come from?” Wilmore asked.
“From the minds of lawmakers,” she replied. “They think everybody on welfare is blinged out, looks, and talks like this.”
“What about all the people on welfare who are gaming the system?” Wilmore asked.
“Larry, with $25 a day, the only game we’re playing is how to make [a little bit of food] feed [a lot of people],” she said. “I’m a Welfairy, not Jesus — but even if I was, I’m not allowed to buy fish, so there’s nothing to multiply.”
The trick, the Queen of the Welfairies explained, is that guns are not on the banned list.
“Wait,” Wilmore said, “you’re not allowed to buy seafood, but you can buy guns?”
“Yes!” she replied. “And with guns, you can technically get all the seafood you want.”
Wilmore turned his attention to McDonald’s, which announced last week that it would be giving raises to its employees — but only at the 10 percent of restaurants directly owned by the corporation. The other 90 percent of McDonald’s employees work at franchises and will not be getting a raise.
“What will they be getting? Let’s open up a Happy Meal and find out. Here’s what they’re going to get,” Wilmore said, pulling his middle finger out of the empty box.
Watch the entire episode of The Nightly Show via Hulu below.