Fox News' Steve Doocy Claims That the War on Women was Invented by Democrats

Steve Doocy, who may be one of the dumbest commentators on the Face of Fox News, is carrying out the wingnuts' newly conceived mission to downplay the very real assault by the GOP on women's rights by claiming that what women really care about is the economy and the price of gas.

One Fox News host on Monday asserted that Democrats had concocted the “phony” Republican war on women to divert attention from high gas prices and a slow economic recovery.

Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy noted that gas prices on Catalina Island in California were around $7 a gallon and President Barack Obama could not use the economy as campaign issue.

“You know, the stimulus didn’t work out so well and he’s got a lot of problems,” Doocy explained. “So in the last couple of months what they have done, the Democrats, is that they have invented this phony war on women. They said Republicans are against women.”

“There’s not really a war on women. There’s a war for women because they would like to have as many women vote for their candidate,” he added.

Fail.

The GOP's "Look over there!" tactics are not going to work, no matter how many Nikki Haleys, Cathy McMorris-Rodgerses, , or Steve Dooshies the GOP props up to spew its talking points. Republicans are making a concerted effort to distract the country and pretend that they didn't publicly shame and castigate women who use birth control; that their de facto party leader didn't go on a three-day hate-rant against Sandra Fluke; that the chair of their party didn't compare women to caterpillars; or that they didn't decide to place the interests of a group of Catholic bishops (who can't even keep their own moral house in order) over the interests of the women.

Sorry, Deuce.  That's not going to fly.

And to Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, who condemned the claim that the Republicans are waging a war on women and said that Democrats and Republicans have to stop "exaggerating our political differences," I say this: have a seat and stop talking.  Republicans are trying to insert themselves in the relationship between a woman and her doctor in a manner that infringes upon women's liberty, dignity, and individual freedom.  These are not mere political differences -- these are questions of human rights.

Look, y'all -- I'm short on time and even shorter on patience. If the Teapublican party insists on rolling out its minions like robots on a star-spangled conveyor belt to repeat ad nauseum the same talking points while pledging allegiance to Jesus and the flag, then I'm going to quote and myself until I go blind and grow hair on my palm:

Let's review -- yet again -- the assault on women's health and women's rights that the GOP is perpetrating:

• Republicans are trying to shove foreign objects into our vaginas.

• Republicans are comparing us to fucking farm animals.

• Republicans are trying to force us to carry DEAD FETUSES in our wombs because hey -- pigs and cows do it!

• Republicans want to tax us if we choose to get an abortion.

• Republicans are forcing doctors to flat-out lie to us about abortions increasing the risk of breast cancer.

• Republicans tried (and nearly succeeded) in denying us access to any preventive health care whatsoever, if it offends somebody's twisted theological sense of morality.

• Republicans are trying to force us to watch an abortion before having one.

• Republicans are trying to force us to get permission from the man (Father? Rapist? Who cares!) before getting an abortion.

• Republicans are trying to force us to tell employers whether we’re using the pill for birth control.

• Republicans think that a baby conceived by rape is a gift from God.

• Republicans think that we gals don't need contraception -- we should just hold an aspirin between our knees.

• Republicans think that "rape" is a figment of our imagination. Is it really rape or are you just being a cranky-pants?

• Republicans think we’re sluts for wanting insurance coverage for contraception -- whether for birth control or otherwise -- all the while demonstrating how utterly devoid of brain activity they are by suggesting that the doctor-recommended use for birth control is "a-pill-per-screw," and that maybe we could pay for our ovarian cyst treatment if we'd just stop drinking so many fucking soy lattes.

Republicans want us to lie back and take it.  They want us to just "close our eyes" while they shame us and guilt us and emotionally traumatize us and out us to the public for making a choice about our bodies that has absolutely fuck-all to do with them.  And they're doing this under the guise of "education" and "life-affirmation"; attaching quaint and pithy names to horrific bills which violate our rights as humans.  Names like "Ultrasound Opportunity" or "Right to Know and See."  Don't worry.  It's all about knowledge.

Knowledge is power, you see, and frankly ladies, you don't know what the fuck you're doing.  You think you're incubating baby iguanas in your wombs while storks slingshot babies through open windows in the dead of night.  No, no, silly one.  This here probe will give you all the knowledge about the birds and the bees that you need, and conveniently, since you're pregnant in the first place, you've already consented to be vaginally probed by our metal knowledge stick. Hooray!

Oh, and since I originally posted the above-quoted rant, Darth Walker repealed Wisconsin's Equal Pay Enforcement Act; and CNN contributor Erick Erickson whined that Obama was making everything political for noting that the new CEO of IBM -- as with the previous IBM CEOs for eighty years --  should get to wear the vaunted green jacket and be a member of the Augusta National Golf Club, even though she's a member of the "weaker sex." (By the way, Virginia Rometty attended the Masters after all -- but in a pink jacket, not a green one. A woman excluded from a boys club?Watching from the sidelines while sitting in a lawnchair and wearing a pink jacket?  And they said it couldn't be done!!)

Democrats did not invent the war on women, nor did "feminazis."  The Republicans did.  And now, nearly two years and 1100 anti-choice bills later, Republicans want a mulligan.

Well, they're not going to get one.

The Uterati is on to you and the Uterati does not forget.

We're tired of your patriarchal bullshit.

Semper uteri.

image via Amanda Underwood, all rights reserved.