'The cookies are PERFECT!' George Conway lampoons Trump's shifting excuses in satirical essay

George Conway mocked Donald Trump's ever-shifting explanations for top-secret government documents seized by FBI agents from his home at Mar-A-Lago.

The attorney, whose wife Kellyanne Conway served four years in the Trump White House, wrote a satirical column for the Washington Post using some of the former president's signature misspellings and syntax to poke holes in the flimsy justifications for the 11 sets of classified documents taken by investigators executing a search warrant.

"You’re looking for cookies? There are no cookies here," Conway wrote. "I don’t have any cookies. I don’t even like cookies. Won’t eat them. Never had one in my life. Never even seen one. Not once. Ever."

"I like steak and hamberders — I mean, hamburgers," he added. "For dessert, I have ice cream. Vanilla. Two scoops. Sometimes on pie. Definitely NOT cookies."

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Trump has claimed the Department of Justice investigation of possible violations of the Espionage Act was a "hoax," just like he said about the Russia probe and the Ukraine impeachment saga, and Conway ridiculed those excuses.

"What? You’re saying you have photos of me with cookies? That’s a Complete Lie," Conway wrote. "Your pictures are FAKE — just like you are. This is a Another Complete and Total Hoax."

"ALL FAKE NEWS," Conway added. "I am NOT Cookie Monster! YOU are Cookie Monster!!"

Conway also took on Trump's claims that he has the power to verbally declassify vast troves of top secret information without filing a single piece of paper work.

"It’s my cookie jar, so any cookies in the jar are mine. In fact, I had a Standing Order that any cookies in the jar automatically became mine when they went into the jar," he wrote. "The jar, and the cookies in them, are PERFECT."

Read the whole essay here.