Opinion

Travel to New Year's Eve 2040 in the land of idiocracy

Columnist Sabrina Haake imagines the future in this satire piece.

It’s New Year’s Eve, 2040, in the land of Idiocracy. President Hulk Hogan, in his third term, is starting fresh negotiations with Mexico and Canada to set sea wall levels for the upcoming year. They have held this meeting every year since 2030, when monster hurricanes wiped out coastal populations and broke Florida off at Jacksonville. The rest of the state floated down to Haiti and now exports iguana, mosquitos and militant extremists back to the mainland.

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Revealed: The secret Republican plot to disenfranchise millions of voters

For over a century, most states used biometrics to verify voter identity. Signatures done in front of a witness are nearly impossible to fake (unlike IDs, which can be easily faked). Polling place workers would compare the original registration signature with the signature of the person signing in to vote, and if they didn’t match, the worker would disqualify the voter.

When the Motor Voter Act was passed in 1993, not a single state required proof of citizenship to vote, and there was no national problem of voter fraud. The threat of a few years in jail is more than enough to discourage even the most ardent partisan from trying to double-vote or fraudulently vote.

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Trump’s Mike Johnson endorsement treats embattled speaker like an afterthought

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson (R-La.) may not be speaker after Friday's vote—though he did get the nod from President-elect Donald Trump Monday morning. But even then, Trump spent most of his endorsement bragging about winning the election.

Johnson faces an uphill battle to retain the speakership on January 3's scheduled vote as the new session of Congress begins. Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) was the first Republican to say he would be voting against Johnson. Several other Republicans from the rightmost wing of the party have played coy about who they'll vote for. On Monday morning, Rep. Victoria Spartz (R-Ind.) criticized Johnson in a Fox and Friends appearance. She also neglected to say how she would be voting.

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Merrick Garland's last task and the explosive evidence that could save America

As we sit on the cusp of letting a year that was steeped with so many wonderful and heady possibilities go off and quietly die in some corner, I am here for a final request:

The Department of Justice, with the blessing of a president cloaked by our Supreme Court with obscene powers needs to immediately release everything it discovered during its belated investigation of the attack on the United States of America on or about January 6, 2021.

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Habitat for Humanity pioneer remembers Jimmy Carter's charitable efforts

My instructions were as clear as they were daunting: meet the former president of the United States in the Presidential Suite of New York City’s Waldorf Astoria.

It was early April 1984, and I had just turned 25. I had never been in the presence of anyone close to that stature. And when Jimmy Carter suddenly emerged from his room, flanked by burly Secret Service agents, it was as if someone stuck a vacuum cleaner hose into my mouth and sucked out all the moisture.

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Poor Trump supporters are about to get a rude awakening — but we shouldn't be celebrating

Since the election, you have probably heard a lot about FAFO (“f--- around and find out”). It’s the idea that voting is a choice and voters must face the consequences of their choices. If you are, say, a poor person, you shouldn’t have voted for Donald Trump or any Republican, because in the end, they’re going to betray you. But if you did, well, f--- around and find out.

Low-income voters did indeed vote for Trump.

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As the old DNC guard fades, the next generation of leaders is missing in action

Earlier this month, MSNBC (and, presumably, Fox, etc.) gave Trump roughly 40 minutes of live television time to rant and lie, threaten an Iowa newspaper and pollster, propose privatizing our Post Office, and muse about ending schoolchildren’s vaccine mandates for polio.

Everybody watching cable TV probably saw it; it was later the topic of numerous newscasts and newspaper articles that are still echoing across the news space.

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Americans are sick of the health insurance grinches who steal our money and our lives

In the past few weeks, one thing has become crystal clear in America: The public outrage after the assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson exposed a seething fury over the health insurance racket. No amount of media finger-wagging at public perversity or partisan attempts to frame Luigi Mangione’s act as a statement from the left or right can hide the reality: The people, from all sides, are livid about the healthcare system—and with good reason.

In the 21st century, Americans have expressed their view that healthcare is deteriorating, not advancing. For example, according to recent Gallup polls, respondents’ satisfaction with the quality of healthcare has reached its lowest level since 2001. Key point: Americans in those polls “rate healthcare coverage in the U.S. even more negatively than they rate quality.”

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From 'hell no' to 'maybe so': Fetterman's mind-blowing U-turn on Trump's Cabinet

I don’t know what incentive there is for the Senate Democrats to play along with Donald Trump. Right now, there seems to be some reason, however oblique, to give lip-service at least to the idea of getting along with the president-elect, even though his administration already promises to be the worst of our lifetimes. Perhaps that will change by the time the next Congress is seated, but so far, it doesn’t look good.

Robert F Kennedy Jr is, for instance, the most terrible choice imaginable to lead the US Department of Health and Human Services. For one thing, he’s a conspiracy theorist. He believes vaccines cause autism, among other insane convictions. For another, he’s a scammer.

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America's dark past and the key to stopping Trump's authoritarian rule

It’s probably, politically and spiritually, the darkest holiday season for our nation in my lifetime. So how about a quick story out of America’s earliest history that somewhat echoes this moment and may give us some hope?

Donald Trump has told us he’s going to use the 1807 Insurrection Act to declare a state of emergency, which will allow him to round up not only undocumented immigrants but also his political opponents, who he refers to as “the enemy within.” He came to power using Willie Horton-like ads trashing trans people and is happy to demonize anybody else who stands up to his hunger for absolute power.

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Behind the pagan roots of modern Christmas traditions

Today is Christmas Day, a connection to some of the most ancient of all known northern European shamanic traditions. Like people living in the north for millennia, we continue to embrace them with regional, national, and religious tweaks.

It occurs during the week of the shortest day and longest night of the year in the northern hemisphere, when ancient holy men and women lit “yule logs” to push back the darkness and implore the gods or nature to bring back the light of summer.

As Henry Bourne wrote in 1725:

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Ketamine and governance shouldn't mix

Psychedelic drugs hit the news last week just as Elon Musk, America’s unelected oligarch, started blowing up the government, because, chaos.

Musk, who is clueless about how government works, killed a short term spending bill that would have kept government open through March, provided money for cash-strapped farmers, and provided FEMA disaster relief, all while posting juvenile clues of his cluelessness.

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Gaslighting and the price good people pay for confronting the latest American tragedy

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being at least mildly jealous of the people who refuse to give modern-day politics, and the sorry state of our fading nation the worry they so haughtily demand.

I bump into these folks on occasion when I’m out on one of my purposeful journeys toward anywhere in the vicinity of sane. I’ll see them during my rare visits to Facebook, and I swear to you, if the America-attacking Trump threatened imminent nuclear Armageddon, they’d be posting pictures of their trip to some Disney theme park with the snappy status update, “Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff …”

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