The shift was finalized in the last two weeks when more people worried about Natalie Harp than Trump influencing naming his own airport such that he could - again - perhaps someday, profit off it. (Will grade schools around the South, wanting to be "Trump Elementary," also have to pay a $50,000 fee? Do. Not. Laugh. Why not?
Not one bit of this is fine. But, fine.
West Palm Beach did this to itself, and when someone really opens the Epstein files, it will be West Palm Beach and Floridians left to explain how they named their airport after "Florida Man," and may live to regret not waiting until well after he died, to be sure they still loved him.
But speaking of people who were loved at the time of their deaths, we are still mourning the loss of a true American original and icon, one whose heart was somehow bigger than her talents and her voice in Dolly Parton. Even Donald Trump had to admit that her death warranted lowering flags for a week.
It warrants a lot more than that. We are looking at you, Nashville International Airport, or "BNA," for reasons passing understanding. We want Dolly Parton International Airport, and we want it very soon. Let us grieve, let us think, and then let us celebrate- then you act. That "BNA" becomes "DPI" is no weirder than a DJT sandwich.
There is precedent for this. Ever fly to New Orleans? Do. The celebration of music starts in the concourse and never ends. After all, you are walking through Louis Armstrong Int., or "MSY" — also for reasons meaning nothing about nothing.
Go to Louisville? Well, whether you do or don't, your packages through UPS certainly do, and when doing so, land at Louisville Muhammad Ali International Airport — very befitting of its "best citizen." See a pattern here? Yes, they were wonderful people, sons of the city, but all dead when the name changed. In so doing, they remain forever some of the city's best ambassadors. DJT being the exception on both accounts, dead or wonderful.
Dolly Parton would be the best city ambassador just about anyplace. But, Nashville? Comically perfect, could be done in a week.
Now let's really up our game and demonstrate that for every major branding Trump manages, the rest of America renames two bigger things. First, and most important, Chicago O'Hare must become "Barack Obama Intercontinental" like Bush in Houston. Why Intercontinental? Because it sounds cooler, that's why! Why Obama? Because he is cooler. (There is actually a beautiful story that goes along with O'Hare, a hero pilot, certainly worth retaining a concourse name, but we're playing for big stakes, the hometown of the first Black President.)
And no. Do not wait for President Obama to die. Do not even wait for him to get sick. Do not even worry that if Trump runs for a third term, it's Hope and CHANGE all over again and Obama will win again. President "DJT" (Best not to use his real name, or he might charge us) has proven that nothing matters anymore, so certainly nothing about this matters. Change the name, Chicago: "Obama Intercontinental" sounds cool AF. Be like Nashville, hopefully.
We did say "twice as much" as Trump, and it's hard to shelve a figure like Dolly Parton as purely a liberal icon (though she'd certainly pick the Left among two choices), so one must look elsewhere for something "big" and needing an "obvious" anti-Trump stamp somewhere, somewhere bigger than West Palm Beach. Maybe we should go back to music. Where could we find a definite Left-wing icon, someone really anti-Trump and associated with a definite place...
Newark? EWR? Is there any sufficiently justifiable reason you have not become Bruce Springsteen International yet? (Too bad the code "BOS" is already taken by Boston, or that would be too perfect.) This one would be as obvious as Parton's, but let's have the Boss at the celebration of "BSI."
Last one — and none of these are bad ideas, indeed ALL should be done asap, but San Francisco has been almost criminally negligent in not naming SFO for the late Harvey Milk long ago. As most know, Milk ran for the SF County Board of Supervisors as the first openly gay man to run for office at a time when not only was that not done, but that could get someone fired in the private sector, break up families, keep them from housing, and too often, lead to violence. But Milk insisted he be allowed to live as he was. A year later, he was assassinated by a former supervisor, along with Mayor George Moscone.
Yes, yes, New York got the ball rolling with JFK literally weeks after the young president was slain; Reagan National was the product of living in a democracy (You have to give them some rights, too, at least back then), and Reagan was extremely sick when it happened. We also saw Louisville and New Orleans go all in — all, effectively, after their deaths. Now we've lost Dolly.
Nashville, you're up.
As to the Donald Trump sycophants — surely, with his blessing or encouragement, he IS licensing the county; after all, he got the ball rolling on people who remain alive, even still in office. Chicago and Newark have an opportunity, and they best walk right on through, diminish "DJT" as much as politically possible.
Too bad that JFK is taken as beautifully as possible, the nation's premier gateway; nothing NYC can really do to needle Trump's Lex Luthor, Barack Ob... You know? Every city has a street named after Martin Luther King. What if NYC named a street or an avenue "President Barack Obama Ave"? It would have to be a big one, for sure. What's big enough to warrant an honor like...
Fifth Avenue becomes President Barack Obama Ave. Absolutely, Fifth Avenue is "big enough" in stature. Trump picked it as the place he could, in theory, shoot someone. It's also the avenue on which he built Trump Tower. Thus, Trump Tower's new address would be: "Trump Tower, President Barack Obama Ave, New York, NY 10022.
Dolly would likely approve of all of this. She would be bashful about the attention but always loved a good time. She would make one demand: DPI's concourses each better have a children's reading area, stuffed with books and little couches.
Perfect.
Jason Miciak is a Rawstory Columnist, an author, political consultant, and attorney. Please follow on Bluesky, and he can be contacted at jasonmiciak@gmail.com. He is also available for public speaking arrangements.
