Kristi Noem is the political gift that keeps on giving for Democrats.
They need her running the Department of Homeland Security a lot worse than Donald Trump does. And she does run it worse than anyone else.
Democrats don’t require new messaging for November. They need cameras. They need live feeds. They need a 24/7 loop of Noem and her comically transparent paramour Corey Lewandowski blowing up whatever fleeting hope Republicans have of holding power in the midterms — short of stealing the election.
The most recent canary to beat it for daylight out of Noem’s coalmine was her chief spokesperson, Tricia McLaughlin, who took the job Jan. 31, 2025, calling it “the honor of a lifetime.” In announcing her resignation this week, McLaughlin said the departure had been planned last December.
So, to summarize, McLaughlin had meant to say, “this job is the honor of a lifetime or 10 months, whichever comes first.” But one thing we can all agree upon: You only quit a job like this if everything’s going splendidly.
(It should be noted that McLaughlin had a little baggage of her own. She reportedly was the point person for a $220 million DHS ad contract that allegedly funneled money to her husband’s firm, The Strategy Group.)
But what could possibly not be fulfilling about dealing with the media every day to boast about Noem’s latest achievement? The hits just keep on coming.
NBC News broke the bracing story this week that just days after Noem was confirmed last year, a 23-year-old Coast Guardsman fell overboard into the Pacific. Ships and aircraft surged to find him.
When Noem learned that one of the search planes — a C-130 — was also scheduled to transport detained migrants, she ordered it pulled from the search so it wouldn’t miss the deportation run.
Well, of course, she did.
A young American lost at sea. A rescue under way. Immigration logistics taking precedence. The Guardsman was never found.
What spokesman wouldn’t savor explaining that to the world?
This wasn’t an isolated incident. Under Noem’s leadership, more than 750 Coast Guard flights have reportedly been redirected from search and rescue to deportation runs. Guidance at one air station moved transporting detained immigrants to first priority — and demoted search and rescue, the Coast Guard’s core mission since its founding.
On the bright side for McLaughlin and her team, this fine bit of good judgment did momentarily shift attention from Noem’s scintillating performance in Minneapolis. There, she presided over the deployment of ICE agents with the unabashedly cruel intent of terrorizing immigrants, including those here legally from Somalia and other disfavored ports.
In Minneapolis, to the horror of millions of Americans across party lines, Noem sank to new depths even for her.
After ICE agents killed Renee Good, a 37-year-old mother of three, in cold blood, Noem wasted no time in labeling her participation at a peaceful protest “domestic terrorism,” before an investigation began.
After the same fate befell Alex Pretti, a 37-year-old ICU nurse, she atrociously lied that Pretti had "arrived at the scene to inflict maximum damage on individuals and kill law enforcement."
The Minneapolis fallout was so severe that it triggered a public vote of no-confidence from Trump. He effectively fired Noem from her own operation, dispatching Border Czar Tom Homan to take personal charge of the Twin Cities crackdown.
No amount of national political advertising by Democrats could help them like this.
Noem was humiliated when she was sidelined in favor of Homan — a career official she reportedly despises and who favors targeted enforcement over her “insane” broad sweeps. By handing Homan the authority to de-escalate the "Metro Surge" and report directly to the White House, Trump didn't just bypass Noem; he signaled that even he finds her brand of chaos too toxic to manage.
Publicly, that is, not behind closed doors.
Understand that Noem is not freelancing. She’s carrying out the inhumane agenda of Trump and his Minister of Evil, Stephen Miller.
Trump is all about the optics. When the optics turn bad, buses have this annoying habit of running over loyal advisers.
It’s impossible from afar to assess motives in Trump’s snake pit of corruption. But there's at least some plausibility to the oft-rumored notion that one of Trump's rare loyalties rests, for the moment, with Lewandowski, the man who ran his first campaign.
Lewandowski is the “special government employee” who appears to specialize in proximity to Noem. Both she and Lewandowski are married to other people and deny all reports of infidelity. But even in our litigious age, this is one bit of gossip that a wide range of mainstream media feel comfortable reporting without hesitation.
According to recent reporting, Trump frequently entertains listeners with a story about seeing the two take sips from the same can of soda. “You can’t do that, it’s pretty obvious!” he reportedly mocks, channeling his own germaphobia into a critique of their political survival skills. “You can’t do that, everyone’s going to know!”
But the loving couple are still running DHS as their fiefdom. The Wall Street Journal has detailed their constant luxury travel together aboard a government-leased 737 MAX and both residing in proximate DHS-leased housing.
So, no one in the Beltway was shocked that Lewandowski reportedly berated Coast Guard flight staff mid-flight and threatened to fire a pilot over a forgotten heated blanket. It was chivalry.
Understand that if Noem was fired tomorrow — as many Democrats clamor for — not a thing would change at DHS. The cruelty and terror of Trump’s mass-deportation campaign wasn’t authored by Noem. It was executed by her.
Just like she famously executed a puppy she hated and bragged about it in a book.
If you’re a Democrat, don’t you want someone like that to run against?
Leave her be.
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