Colbert mocks conservative outrage over ‘girly’ new Marine hats: ‘They’re cutting off the balls of Montezuma’
Stephen Colbert mocked the conservative media outrage Thursday night over the proposed changes to the hats worn by the Marine Corps.
The Department of Defense is proposing new, unisex hats, or “covers,” to replace the style worn since 1922 with one based on the type worn by Sgt. Maj. Dan Daly, a two-time Medal of Honor winner during World War I.
The Colbert Report broadcast a video clip from Fox News, showing a reporter who says the government is spending “millions and millions of you dollars” on new hats that critics have described as “far too girly.”
Colbert agreed the hats signaled the “feminization of the Marine Corps” and were effectively “cutting off the balls of Montezuma.”
He noted a New York Post report that said the hats looked like they’d come from Christopher Street, once home to New York’s gay community, and Colbert said he agreed.
“I have to assume the hat is a neon mesh and secured with a ball gag,” he said.
The producers then showed a graphic of the hats side by side with the current design, and Colbert was at a loss for words.
“Oh my god, I just cannot … tell which one is the new one,” he gasped. “Oh yeah, the one on the right. I hate those. It’s so feminine, I’m just ovulating looking at them. Those hats might as well be made of tampons and copies of Eat Pray Love. Those two extra inches of brim are the difference between ‘Marine’ and ‘Maureen.’”
Colbert continued on an extended riff about military uniforms that suggested President Barack Obama, in his efforts to undermine the troops and their morale, would dress soldiers in camouflage patterns based on Georgia O’Keefe paintings.
Watch the whole segment in this video posted online by Comedy Central: