Dick Dynasty VI: And Lord help the sister who comes between me and my mandate
In an attempt to show that sisterly love can exist in a maelstrom of vicious back-biting, vindictiveness, bile, and sibling hatred that knows no bounds and makes Whatever Happened To Baby Jane look like Steel Magnolias, Liz “The Not Lesbian” Cheney has trotted out her three (3) daughters who, in contrast to the Palin daughters, are adorable and well-spoken and best of all not pregnant, to explain that Cheneys are as native to Wyoming as the blood-sucking black flies known to drain a full grown buffalo faster than you can say “Benghazi!”. So Vote Liz, woot!
The ad is called “Daughters” because “Sisters” is waaaay awkward right now so, yeah, “Daughters” keeps it in the immediate family and away from the deviant offshoot of the family where couples don’t have that mix-n-match genitalia thing going on like Laramie Jesus intended. Of course, no mention is made in the ad about the fact that Liz Cheney (THE ONE WHO SLEEPS WITH MEN, NOT THE OTHER ONE), her own bad self, has only lived in the state of Wyoming for two of her forty seven years ( 0.042553) which may not qualify for squatters rights but it will get you a resident fishing license. If you lie.
Let us watch this important and informative video which will someday become the intro to Liz Cheney’s Wacky Wide-open Wyoming! on TLC:
As you saw, what the Cheney daughters, Bellona, Cayenne, and Annietietam were ostensibly doing for their mom was pitching her as a replacement for Mike Enzi’s seat in the Senate. But what is really going on is that this is a cry for help from these three girls who desperately want to get back to the comfy upper middle-class suburban house they grew up in in McLean, Virginia which is where all of their much cooler friends live and also where there are malls and a Pinkberry instead of yokels, feed stores and Clint’s One-Flavor Ice Cream Emporium & Ammo Supply. So, please for THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AND HOLY FERCHRISTSAKESJESUSALMIGHTY, elect our mom and send us back home and away from this godforsaken rural post-apocalyptic flyover country wasteland. Amen.
So, yeah, it’s basically a hostage video. But with less blinking in code…