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Dick Dynasty VI: And Lord help the sister who comes between me and my mandate

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In an attempt to show that sisterly love can exist in a maelstrom of vicious back-biting, vindictiveness, bile, and sibling hatred that knows no bounds and makes Whatever Happened To Baby Jane look like Steel Magnolias, Liz “The Not Lesbian” Cheney has trotted out her three (3) daughters who, in contrast to the Palin daughters, are adorable and well-spoken and best of all not pregnant, to explain that Cheneys are as native to Wyoming as the blood-sucking black flies known to drain a full grown buffalo faster than you can say “Benghazi!”. So Vote Liz, woot!

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The ad is called “Daughters” because “Sisters” is waaaay awkward right now so, yeah, “Daughters” keeps it in the immediate family and away from the deviant offshoot of the family where couples don’t have that mix-n-match genitalia thing going on like Laramie Jesus intended. Of course, no mention is made in the ad about the fact that Liz Cheney (THE ONE WHO SLEEPS WITH MEN, NOT THE OTHER ONE), her own bad self, has only lived in the state of Wyoming for two of her forty seven years ( 0.042553) which may not qualify for squatters rights but it will get you a resident fishing license. If you lie.

Let us watch this important and informative video which will someday become the intro to Liz Cheney’s Wacky Wide-open Wyoming! on TLC:

As you saw,  what the Cheney daughters, Bellona, Cayenne, and Annietietam were ostensibly doing for their mom  was pitching her as a replacement for Mike Enzi’s seat in the Senate. But what is really going on is that this is  a cry for help from these three girls who desperately want to get back to the comfy upper middle-class suburban house they grew up in in McLean, Virginia which is where all of their much cooler friends live and also where there are malls and a Pinkberry instead of yokels,  feed stores and Clint’s One-Flavor Ice Cream Emporium & Ammo Supply. So, please for THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AND HOLY FERCHRISTSAKESJESUSALMIGHTY, elect our mom and send us back home and away from this godforsaken rural post-apocalyptic flyover country wasteland. Amen.

So, yeah, it’s basically a hostage video. But with less blinking in code…

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WATCH LIVE: Trump addresses the nation after Iran retaliatory missile strike

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President Donald Trump will address the nation Wednesday morning on Iran’s attack on two military bases in Iraq hosting U.S. Armed Forces. The missiles were a retaliatory strike in response to Trump’s decision to assassinate General Qassem Soleimani.

The White House had signaled the president would deliver his address Tuesday night, but walked that back and the president, insisting “All is well!” in a Tuesday night tweet promised to speak Wednesday morning.

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Here are 11 of the most punchable faces of 2017

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Remember back when 2016 began and the world held so much promise and then a bunch of people in the Midwest got mad at Hillary Clinton because she didn't visit their state fair, eat a corn dog and admire their butter cow so they decided to toss a match in the septic tank by voting for Donald Trump to "shake things up"?

That, among other reasons, is how we got to where we are now in Trump Year One: Like A Plague, But Kinda Worse.

It has been a very weird year compared to the past few to the point where someone like Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Zodiac Killer) is barely a blip on our screen because he seems sort of "meh" compared to the daily tsunami of Trump atrocities that have us drowning in depression -- and depending upon Robert Mueller and Zoloft (Ask your doctor if ZOLOFT is right for you) to pull us through.

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WATCH LIVE: Sarah Huckabee Sanders holds WH briefing as Trump squabbles with Gold Star families

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As President Donald Trump's administration squabbles with the family of Sgt. La David Johnson and Rep. Frederica Wilson (D-FL) over the president's ham-handed attempt to offer condolences to Johnson's widow, many people are failing to ask why U.S. Army Green Berets were in Niger at all.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders is expected to receive questions about Niger and more queries about the administration's decision to go on the warpath against Wilson with false charges about a 2015 speech.

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