Elon Musk is the Donald Trump of South Africa.
Born to millionaire parents, Musk inherited his wealth instead of earning it. He has never invented anything or built anything himself. Instead, he just buys companies he thinks will make him look cool — Tesla, Starlink, Twitter, etc. He also keeps showing up in public dressed like the loneliest goth kid at Hot Topic in 1997 and then dancing like he’s on Ketamine, because he’s admitted to always being on Ketamine
My cringe has cringe with extra cringe sprinkled on top.
Everyone needs to stop thinking that nepo baby billionaires/trillionaires are natural-born leaders when they keep proving they absolutely are not. Elon can’t keep rockets or cars or Twitter from exploding, and he’s the son of two white supremacists, so he isn’t called “Apartheid Clyde” for nothing.
Other nicknames for the friendless Musk include “Sissy SpaceX” and “Clarice Starlink” (that one is all mine, and I’m very proud of it, I can’t lie) because, just like Trump, Everything Elon Touches Dies.
That includes the American voting system, because that guy bought Twitter to mess with the 2024 election, and he couldn’t stop telling us so. Trump and Musk became besties right after the fake assassination attempt in Butler, PA, and they immediately began implementing a plan leftover from 2020 to steal the 2024 election.
Elon tweaked the Twitter algorithm to boost paid MAGA influencers, while suppressing liberal voices. Those of us who had (FREE) blue checkmarks before he plundered our online town square were forced to either start paying him for the privilege of being ourselves or be doomed to basic invisibility. Like, that Nazi needs any of our money.
Oh yeah, that part. The Nazi part. Remember the Nazi salute that he and MAGA claimed wasn’t a Nazi salute? He’s still this guy, and he will be this guy forever.
SpaceX CEO Elon Musk gestures during a rally on the inauguration day of U.S. President Donald Trump's second Presidential term, inside Capital One, in Washington, U.S. January 20, 2025. REUTERS/Mike Segar
Anyway, Elon’s stupid DOGE stole every American citizen’s Social Security number and other personal information, and now he has even more data to manipulate the 2026 midterms.
Election interference is a federal crime. I don’t know why Democrats didn’t try to stop him when he was paying people millions of dollars to vote in Wisconsin and, while he was threatened with consequences, they magically didn’t come through. Because no jury would find his actions constituted election bribery, according to a Wisconsin state prosecutor.
He only offered people $1 million to vote, but I guess he bribed someone else to make sure he didn’t get prosecuted for bribery.
BRB, I need to go scream into a pillow.
Brazil's Supreme Court previously ordered an investigation into Musk regarding obstruction and the “instrumentalization of Twitter” by participating in public arguments with users over free speech and content moderation. French prosecutors recently escalated a criminal probe into Twitter over algorithm manipulation, foreign interference, and issues tied to the AI chatbot Grok.
Elon also just lost a court case in New York State after bringing a lawsuit seeking to void a 2024 state law requiring social media companies generating over $100 million in profits to disclose how they monitor hate speech, extremism, harassment, foreign political interference and disinformation. Musk had gotten rid of Twitter’s content moderation policy after he bought that company in 2022, claiming to be a “free speech absolutist” while literally messing with everyone else’s First Amendment rights by choking liberal accounts and boosting propaganda instead.
Twitter is now said to be 64% fake accounts, with bots having blue checks and getting more visibility than actual humans like your intrepid contributor here. Elon has multiple alt accounts, from “Doge Designer” to “ALX” to his own mom’s, Maye Musk. So this means that Elon technically blocked me when “she” was defending her poor, defenseless little boy from this very scary lady on Twitter who called Elon out for being transphobic against his own daughter, Vivian.
At the same time, Elon is said to be “extremely worried” about a new documentary by Alex Gibney, which shares plenty of damning footage connecting Musk to the 2024 election, including a text exchange with one of his many baby mamas, former MAGA influencer Ashley St. Clair.
The Hollywood Reporter saw Musk at an early screening and details that moment and others. St. Clair alleges in the forthcoming documentary that Elon had a “degree of certainty” about the election results before they came in that “I had never seen before.”
Screenshots of the texts between them definitely indicate that something hinky was going on behind the scenes. “He had told me [before the election] he was going to unleash the ‘anomaly in the matrix,’ ” St. Clair says in the clip.
“I have ten thousand lasers in space,” Elon’s text reads.
Musk has also amassed a body count to rival Trump’s, thanks to his dismantling of USAID, which he referred to as a “criminal organization” one month after the inauguration, because every accusation is a confession.
And he’s still acting like the juvenile d-bag weirdo he is, which might explain why “Elon Is A Martian” was trending on Twitter Saturday. For a guy who’s so obsessed with going to Mars, he’s certainly not brave enough to be a test pilot.
Or decent enough to use his unearned wealth to help others. With a fraction of his fortune (a mere $6.6 billion), Elon could feed upwards of 42 million people and not feel the pinch. A Business Insider piece broke it down into a staggering standalone statistic: It equals about 43 cents per person per day to supply one basic meal a day to stay alive.
But Elon would rather keep blowing up rockets and cars while dumping millions into buying another election for Trump.
