Almost 250 years ago, our Founding Fathers survived a brutal war and established a new nation where all could live free from the oppression of the King of England. We take time every July 4th to remember what the early settlers lived through to create a new nation conceived in liberty, dedicated to the proposition that all of us are created equal.
That’s right, those of us who were raised on Schoolhouse Rock can quote the Gettysburg Address and sing the entire Preamble to the Constitution. We understand the solemnity of the Declaration of Independence and what it means to feel the swell of patriotism every year on July 4th.
Sadly, nothing we ever sang about on Saturday mornings over bowls of Lucky Charms could’ve prepared us for what’s being planned for America’s Semiquincentennial celebration in Washington.
Mainly because the people planning the official celebrations from DC are too dumb to pronounce “Semiquincentennial.”
The deliberate dumbing-down of America began the moment Donald Trump descended that tacky gold escalator in his tacky gold tower and flung his loaded diaper all over our political norms. The early responses to his egregious lack of respect for our country were those of astonishment: “How can he get away with that?” as he kept getting away with it. Trump’s earliest enablers were the ones waiting for permission to be openly hateful towards anyone they perceived as a threat to their livelihoods, when literally no one has ever actually threatened them.
We are now witnessing the dismantling of the Department of Education as they rebrand into the Department of Re-Education. The Heritage Foundation’s implementation of Project 2025 - 2026 is going full steam ahead with the deliberate whitewashing of our history, crafting a “Good Parts Only” version. If we don’t destroy Republicans in the next few elections, future generations of American kids will be taught that white men are always in the right, that slavery was a “career choice” where Black Americans “learned useful skills,” that we’ve won every overseas war, and that there were never any Japanese internment camps. They’re also reframing the truth around the 2020 election as well as January 6th, and there are new plaques in the White House using MAGA language to bully former Democratic Presidents.
The longer the dumb, loud people keep getting away with being dumb and loud, this country has nothing to celebrate. I’ve been saying for too long that I wish I could force all of Trump’s MAGA loyalists--both in and out of Congress--to watch Hamilton “Clockwork Orange-style” until they could recognize what real patriotism feels like.
Seriously, I defy anyone to sit through “The Battle of Yorktown” without getting a lump in their throat when the ruffians of the Revolution sing out, “We won, we won, we won, we WON!”
Trump and MAGA continue to find new ways to embarrass us on the global stage, but nothing has lit a fire in me quite like watching him get away with his destruction of the White House.
That’s OUR House. That’s the PEOPLE'S House. Trump is already illegally squatting there, but the same party that screamed over a basketball court and a vegetable garden is now enabling a full Trumpification rebrand of a property he doesn’t own.
Trump has demolished the entire East Wing to build a big bunker disguised as a ballroom. He paved over the Rose Garden and made it look like yet another tacky patio at Mar-a-Lago. The Oval Office now looks like a Hobby Lobby in Moscow threw up all over the place.
He’s also destroyed the Reflecting Pool and has demanded the construction of an Ego Arch that’s not at all inspired by the Nazis. But wait, it still gets even dumber.
In dual celebration of Trump’s 80th birthday (June 14th) and America’s 250th, the palookas from the UFC are building a CAGE ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN and there will be a CAGE FIGHTING MATCH ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN.
And they claim Democrats are the “party of violence”?
I cannot primal scream into the abyss hard enough. It is beyond what Americans should be forced to endure. It’s literally a celebration of violence in front of what’s supposed to be the ultimate symbol of global stature.
Instead, it’s a global embarrassment.
Trump is obsessed with violence. It’s why he watched MAGA attack the Capitol on January 6th on TV. It’s why he’s ringside at UFC fights, fanboying over big sweaty men.
That includes Dana White, who’s also made a career out of overcompensation. He’s a dude named Dana (no slam on anyone presenting as male with that name, but it hasn’t been a name associated with men since the 1940s), so he started hitting people who made fun of him. Now he’s being normalized on the covers of both TIME and Rolling Stone ahead of the Summer of SuperSlam.
That’s who’ll be leading America’s celebration. But it gets even more cringe-inducing. Wednesday saw the announcement of something called “The Great American State Fair,” with a concert featuring a dubious lineup of MAGA-leaning performers one would expect at a state fair…in maybe 1997.
The inclusion of Milli Vanilli, the lip-synching duo from the 80s, with only one original member (because the other one died), is fully on brand for the Fake President’s Ego Celebration. The one-hit wonder lineup is also perfect for the Red Hat Loser Brigade. It’s all deliberate, it’s all dumb, and it’s the White Trash House now.
Yes, I said White Trash, and I’ll keep saying it.
I lived in Georgia for eight years, so I know what I’m talking about. White Trash isn’t limited to the South, you know. It exists in all 50 states; only the regional accent changes.
Dana White isn’t nearly the best of us. We all deserve better than this Idiocracy.
