Edward Snowden’s disembodied head makes sweet love to dreamy heartthrob Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Putin held his annual call-in show & Freedom Telethon today on the completely objective, totally independent, RT network (Page 6 Pravda ). While most starstruck conservatives were unable to get through to yell “Show us your boobs!”, Edward Snowden – the Max Headroom of the tech-bro set – managed to make a video request of DJ Vlad, and it wasn’t for Free Bird:
If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, Snowden soft-served a well-rehearsed ‘set it up on the tee and watch him whack it’ softball the size of Sean Hannity’s head to Putin:
“I’ve seen little public discussion of Russia’s own involvement in the policies of mass surveillance. So I’d like to ask you, does Russia intercept, store or analyze in any way the communications of millions of individuals? And do you believe that simply increasing the effectiveness of intelligence or law enforcement investigations can justify placing societies, rather than subjects, under surveillance?”
Unsurprisingly, Putin called ‘Bolshevik!’ on the notion that Sweet Mother Russia would indulge in such intrusiveness, particularly at a time when they have their hands full annexing the Ukraine and signing up the Jews for summer camp in the
Actually Putin didn’t mention the Ukraine and the Jews because that have been awkward, but he did compliment Snowden as a fellow former spy only interested in freedom, and said that the only people using technology are “criminals and terrorists [who] use technology for their criminal acts” by which he means either the U.S. government or people who Instagram their breakfast tacos. Probably both.
But short answer from Putin was: “Nyet, dude.”
So why would Edward Snowden participate in this ham-handed Jeff Gannon-esque Potemkin presser?
Snowden , who is one of those guys who thinks his mad computer skillz automatically makes him the smartest guy in the room, really didn’t plan his Escape From Security State U.S.A. very well, and is still stuck inside of Moscow with those eviction blues again. And, with an August deadline coming up, he either has to figure out how to renew his lease on the good life in his hipster neighborhood on the Volga or check-out craigslist for other countries who might be willing to give him free room and board in return for exclusive information that a U.S. spy agency spies.
That has to have some value. Like a no-show job or something like that…