Kathryn Jean Lopez inspires - nay, blesses us with revelation - today.

Many commentators, from MSNBC to NRO, praised the historic moment that happened Tuesday night. But we didn’t need Tuesday night. The opportunities were already there.

God bless you, K. Lo - you've cracked open the fragile chest of the hope industry and ripped out its still-beating heart. We don't need to actually achieve things; we just need to have the opportunity to achieve them, and then relentlessly backbite anyone who makes strides towards doing it. Why hope? Why dream? Why aspire? If you can conceive of it being done, chances are it can. So why go through the hard work or the effort in the first place?

You think that just because someone successful looks like you, that you can succeed too? Millions of people look like successful people, and almost all of them are failures. Look at those failures, those wretches who stay mired in the meaningless blandness of everyday life. Do you really think that all those people would continue on if they weren't in some way happy, maybe? Of course not!

Why would you let hope and "change" drive you away from a perfectly acceptable level of satisfaction with life - one that will let you eventually die in a hospital bed, surrounded by your merely tolerant and likewise failed children, babbling incomprehensibly about a Little League game you lost with an unforced error in right field?

Even if you somehow stumble into actually doing something "worthwhile", are you perfect? Most certainly not. You're probably an asshole, or an addict, or an adulterer. And those personal failures taint every achievement you accomplish, making each thing you do not only an indictment of your morning breath-laden, shower-masturbating carcass, but an indictment of each and every thing you ever hope to do.

You could be the first Asian Supreme Court Justice...but you failed high school Chemistry. You could be the first female head coach in the NBA...but one night at a slumber party when you were ten, you drank too much Pepsi and wet your sleeping bag. Why taint these things, these great and undying aspirations of our society? Save your dreams from yourself, and Just. Do. Nothing.

Our aspirations will always be there for someone better looking, smarter, endorsed by the Club for Growth. Take a look at the world you live in, Class of 2008. Take a look and realize that there are things that could be done to make it a better place...but you probably shouldn't, just in case.

Image used via Creative Commons License courtesy of röy.