"Look, just don't try to sell me any gimmicks. Just give me the rocket engines."
"Sir, you're at Jiffy Lube. We do oil changes. We can change out some other fluids, your filters, your windshield wipers. We don't have rocket engines."
"Fuck you. And fuck. Your stupid. Face. I paid my $26, I want my rocket engines. I'm a recovering alcoholic, you know."
"I'm sorry to hear that, sir, but I can't give you rocket engines. They don't actually exist, for one."
"They exist. They exist. You know how I know they exist? Because if they didn't exist, how would I be able to ask for them and you know what I was asking you about? Hm? Hmmmmm? Man, I could use a drink, but I won't get one because I'm a recovering alcoholic. You pay attention to me! I'm being charmingly self-effacing here."
"Rockets exist...and they have engines. But that doesn't mean that rocket engines for your car exist."
"So does my car not exist? Does it? Put the fucking engines on, bitch!"
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you-"
"To give a stirring motivational standup act about my alcoholism? Because there was one time I got my penis stuck in a bottle of Jaegermeister after...don't you look away from me. Unless it's towards rocket engines, for my car, that you will put on, because I paid you twenty six American dollars."
"Let me get my manager."
"You do that. You're unmanageable. Just unmanageable."
- Scene from Glenn Beck Goes To Jiffy Lube, courtesy of CNN
