As of this morning, John Ziegler is beating my ass in the "who's the bigger wingnut?" contest from last night. The results are 68.3% to 31.7%. Fear not for my feelings, sympathetic readers. I had very little doubt that even the injection of rants about "homosexualists" and the heavy use of the word "jihadist" would do anything to make me sound even nuttier than Ziegler.

Ezra is #5 on Jezebel's "The 10 Sexiest Everyday Men Of 2008". It's clear that by "everyday men", they mean "geeks and nerds", though, because people like Jason Segal, Barack Obama, and Rahm Emanuel are not everyday by any stretch of the imagination. I'd get on a feminist rant about this, but in the past few years, being awkward, brainy, or goofy doesn't disqualify you from being considered a sexy lady. Examples: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Parker Posey, Alyson Hannigan. However, you cannot be more than two ounces over the minimum BMI for "normal" or you're out, so we have a way to go to catch up to the guys.

An interview with Jean-Claude Van Damme where he forgets that it's not in a reporter's contract to be discreet.

I really opened myself up in "JCVD." I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

OK —

It was like being naked—I would love to be naked in front of you.

Well, I —

Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

So you ' ve no regrets at all?

Believe me—I've done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don't regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Yes, I am.

And are you 27, or 32?

I ' m 22.

Oh, f–––. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?

I don ' t know. When is it?

I don't know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Uh —

You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.