imageOver the course of this studying process, I've watched enough bad movies that if commandos showed up during my exam tomorrow and told me that I had a bomb planted in me, and then I fell in love with the woman who was the only witness to the crime that the bad guys who put the bomb in me had committed (and who also was sitting next to me during the exam), my only response would be a big theatrical gulp followed by a wisecrack about how this could really ruin the curve.


I've been on a big Jason Statham kick over the course of the past couple of days, mainly because he's been in every mid-grade action movie since 2001. I have a special affinity for him - there's a particular charisma that he brings to every role and the belief that somewhere inside of him, there's an actual actor waiting to be let out (and not in the "Arnold Schwarzenegger gets more lines" way, either).

Without further ado, and having studied his oeuvre extensively, the Five Rules of Statham:

1.) The balder he is, the harder you fall.

2.) He's both the working man's Arnold Schwarzenegger and the working man's Ben Kingsley.

3.) The accent only matters if he says it matters. And given that he's playing Shakir, a Philly-born basketball star who's also vice-president of the local NAACP in his next movie, it doesn't matter.

4.) Jason Statham is younger today than he was yesterday. Nobody knows how this works. Nobody needs to know how this works.

5.) What Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson at the end of Lost in Translation is known only to Jason Statham. And was about Jason Statham.

God, I can't wait for exams to be over. And to see Transporter 3.