Taking off a post at Shakesville. I’ve got a lot of things I’m a fashion nazi about, though a couple have been moved off my “do not” list in recent years because the Gap and other companies have figured out how to do it right (such as having a fitted band at the bottom of the sweater—turns out if it’s not tight enough to puff out the sweater and is generally unobtrusive, it’s not too bad). These include
*Tapered ankles in jeans. Skinny jeans look good on no one.
*Anything that obscures the waistline, which flatters neither thin nor fat people. In the former, it obscures the waistline, and in the latter it makes them look like apples on sticks instead of like normal human beings, as they do in more flattering clothes.
*High rise jeans. I’m probably an outlier on this, but I love low rise jeans and if they go out of style so you can’t buy any more, I will scream and cry and never wash the ones I have, hoping they’ll last until they come back in fashion. I don’t care if they show off your butt crack. Don’t sit down, then. They look good on everyone. If you’re skinny, they look awesome. If you’re curvy, they make you look dangerously sexy. If you’re fat, they give your stomach some room to breathe without fucking up your shirt line. They rock.
*Push-up bras, which were invented by Satan, the bad one. I’m not anti-support. But playing like you’ve got something you don’t qualifies as an EPIC FAIL. Women with no tits, stand up and be proud! There is no reason to skulk. We are sexy without tits. I love being titless. I wear bras that do minimum work so the whole world can see that I’m titless and DEAL WITH IT. If we don’t stand up for ourselves, who will? I had a push-up bra in college. I wore it once under a bodysuit to a bar and my phony boobies caught some eyes and I felt like a pretender. Then and there I vowed to avoid padding. Now I know every guy who eyeballs me would have the same opinion if I were naked and it feels good.
Share your fashion no-nos in comments.