Oh no, we're falling behind! Please step up and help us stuff the ballot box in a contest that's all about ballot box stuffing. Remember, you can vote once a day.

To make it worse, our worthy opposition has (gasp!) gone negative. (Cue faux outrage from supporters and sad and weary head-shaking from candidates.)

That damn Panda blog is beating us. Since when do a bunch of very large bitches get their asses kicked by some half-extinct, slow-moving vegetarians??

Pandas are tough and mean enough to go the distance. If elected, pandas would totally go find and kill that mofo Osama bin Laden. Witness the panda fury:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/v/2N5gxk6UJr0&hl=en&fs=1 expand=1]

(I chose this angry panda video because others weren't funny, because people actually got hurt. Who knew?)