What's a failorist, you may ask? A person who terrorizes us with FAIL.


Here's Sandra Lee, Person Who Puts Extra Canned Frosting On Store-Bought Cupcakes, making a Kwanzaa cake:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/v/we2iWTJqo98&hl=en&fs=1 expand=1]

Because nothing says black pride like a nut-bedazzled half-globe of shit cake covered in lumpy poo-brown frosting with ugly taper candles stuck on top. Here's a photo walkthrough of whatever the fuck this thing is as done by two racially enlightened white women.

imageI don't really hate Sandra Lee for the ethic of Semi-Homemade. I hate her for the trappings of the show, which have little to do with the putative goal of the show (making simple, quick meals that require less prep time, with a lot of the work already done for you), and a lot more to do with a particularly grating sort of middle-class MacGyverism. A show generally involves a few "semi-homemade" recipes, many of which are not only more expensive than a from-scratch version but which, because of the too-clever-by-half machinations of the show, take more time than just making it from scratch. But then you also get a special-made cocktail and a "tablescape", which takes the art of making simple, easy food and buries the subsequent shame and guilt from not slaving away for hours on the meal in a meticulously arranged theme that blocks everyone from seeing everyone else's face.

I cook the most when I have the least money - in general, prepackaged, "complete" food is a pricier luxury than fresh food, and I take joy in the process of it. I don't have a family, however, and the additional cost of the prepackaged food is probably gladly accepted in exchange for the additional time it affords the person cooking. However, what Sandra Lee does is take that idea, and then stretch it out so that it saves you no time, costs more money, and then puts the pressure of being an interior designer on top of making something that looks like you did...well, the exact same amount of work that you actually did, but with canned shit and taper candles on top.