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This Is America, Goddammit

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I was under the impression we lived in America, not some shitty island nation with 18 political parties and ceremonial royalty. I was under the impression we lived in a country where cash in a card was a perfectly acceptable gift, where we walk into fancy restaurants in flip-flops because they’re shoes, where we have guns because we like guns and we revolted against England because fuck their straight-line polite fighting.

So why are conservatives so all-concerned with respecting stuffy British protocol? Michelle Obama touched the Queen, which, because the British believe she has special magical healing powers or something, is basically like urinating in a cancer patient’s Gatorade. Obama gave the Queen an iPod with hours of footage of her on it after she gave him a framed picture of herself, which is apparently etiquette on par with Rickrolling her.

What I don’t understand: we’re Americans. The one thing I learned about Americans over the past eight years is that we do what we want when we want. We clear brush in 100 degree weather because heatstroke is for pansy-ass foreigners. We stop talking to other countries at the drop of a hat because talking isn’t war. We tell the Constitution to go suck any number of body parts on ourselves or others when it doesn’t allow us to imprison brown people. When did these vigorous purveyors of international American manliness become so delicately concerned with the particulars of frou-frou protocol? He got a dude a gift – real Americans don’t even remember birthdays.

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Pandagon

Ch-ch-changes…..

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After many years and many server changes and finally landing here at Raw Story, which has taken very good care of us, it's time to say goodbye to Pandagon. I've been blogging under this banner for ten years, after Jesse Taylor asked me to join. He, in turn, had been running this joint since he was in college. A lot has changed since then. I became a journalist, moved from Austin to New York and learned to play Dungeons & Dragons. Jesse became a lawyer and, just this past weekend, a married man.

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Pandagon

Carly Fiorina defends her lie with a whole bunch of lies

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I do like it when Republican candidates sport a resume full of corporate executive work, because it really shows the public how many fools and idiots coast into that position not on merit but on their bullshitting abilities. Donald Trump, Herman Cain, and now we have Carly Fiorina, who just can't understand why her perceived underlings (voters, journalists) won't scurry away, pretending to accept her bullshit like former employees of hers had to do, lest they lost their jobs.

And so it goes that Fiorina, who could make this entire Planned Parenthood controversy go away by saying something like, "I may have misremembered the video, but I still think abortion is wrong," instead is doubling and tripling down. And every time she does, she lies more and more. She was on Meet the Press and, so enamored of the idea that she is perfect and could never do anything wrong, just went to town with the defensive posturing.

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Pandagon

Marco Rubio has an astoundingly low opinion of women’s intelligence

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At RH Reality Check, I covered this story that I wish was getting more press, about how Marco Rubio goes back and forth between suggesting that women who get abortions are greedy monsters who get pregnant for cash:

I just think you’ve created an industry now … a situation where very much, you’ve created an incentive for people not just to look forward to having more abortions, but being able to sell that fetal tissue for purposes—these centers—for purposes of making a profit off it, as you’ve seen in some of these Planned Parenthood affiliates.

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