Reacting to the Governor of Rhode Island's decision to veto a bill that would have allowed gays to claim the bodies of their loved ones should they die, Colbert turned up the satire.


He began by quoting Governor Donald L. Carcieri, who said the legislation was "a disturbing trend... of the incremental erosion of the principles surrounding traditional marriage."

"Exactly!" Colbert said. "The gays are always trying to steal the best parts of marriage. You know, like claiming the body of your spouse. This is an assault on marriage from beyond the grave. They're like gay zombies: they start with marriage, but what they really want is to change our minds. These gay zombies want our braaains!"

Colbert continued: "One day, God forbid, the governor dies. How is he supposed to rest in peace knowing that two plots over, two dudes are being gay dead?" (Colbert's 'Word' ticker added: "Gives new meaning to headstone.")

"Remember folks, Jesus said what is bound on Earth is bound in heaven. If we bury them gay together here, they're going to be gaying it up in the afterlife. That's not heaven! Heaven is singing in a choir, a flowing white robe with little white wings playing a harp. You know -- guy stuff!"

('The Word': "Don't ask how the gates got pearly.")

"I believe that the governor might not be going far enough," Colbert continued. "If we really want to protect the sanctity of traditional decomposing, it might be time to bar gays from having funerals."

This video is from Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, broadcast Nov. 16, 2009.