Quantcast
Connect with us

Why A Bat?

Published

on

Everything was so normal. Wei and I were about to go to bed for good. We had been listening to The Kleptones. I decided to go upstairs to my third-story office to fetch something, or turn something off. I walked up into the office and turned on the light and there was a bird flying around and around the room in a big circle. A bird. The room is a fairly large room but it has a middle portion that rises almost to the ceiling. The “bird” was circling around that.

I realized that it could not be a bird because of its strange wing-flap-cycle. Also, a bird would not go in circles like that. It would panic sooner. This creature was rather implacably flying around and around, right by my head, in fact right past my hand when I raised it in its path, unswerving, never breaking stride.

ADVERTISEMENT

I saw that it must be a bat.

How the hell did a bat get in here? We live in a normal hundred-year-old house in the middle of a big city, Cleveland.

I was not scared. I have faced off with much deadlier beasts than bats, and in fact I have faced off with a bat before. My main thought was, 1) how to get him out, and 2) how to make sure no more came in.

I still do not know how he got in nor how to prevent later invasions.

ADVERTISEMENT

I stood and watched him fly past my face over and over, and pondered what I might have on hand to catch him without hurting him.

I drew a blank.

ADVERTISEMENT

I raised my hand, and on his next pass I swatted him.

He hit the wall behind my recording-machines table and fell to the floor. I looked down there. It’s a hard place to get to, but I could see him. He was struggling fitfully at first and then he collapsed. I figured I had probably broken the poor thing’s wing and given him a pretty good concussion too, if not worse.

I looked for something to pick him up with and something to put him into. I had a nice paper sack to put him in, but no “reaching tool” on hand. I pulled all the stuff blocking access to behind the media tables out of the way — a shotgun, a big rolled-up Dobbshead in a tube, a few other tubes, a box of art I’m supposed to return to various people.

ADVERTISEMENT

He was now not moving. I wanted a tool to put him in the bag with… a pooper-scooper! Yes, a pooper-scooper. BUT THERE IS NO POOPER-SCOOPER HERE!

Wei was just falling asleep, but I asked her about various tools until she became awake and horrified. In the end we decided on a simple broom and dustpan. By this time she was getting pretty grossed out. Nonetheless, I handed her our little camera and asked her to videotape the process.

I crept behind the recording-devices table and bent down with the broom and dustpan and started to scoop up his little broken and withdrawn figure.

ADVERTISEMENT

BUT HE WAS STILL ALIVE!!

He started flapping and I caught the tip of his wing between the broom and the dustpan, and lifted him over the open paper sack I had prepared and dropped him in. The innocent, blameless creature of God.

Wei was horrified. She has not had to deal with the carcasses, much less the struggling wounded bodies, of anything, whereas I have had to do that with dogs, cows, birds, squirrels, mice, cats, you name it, I’ve put it out of its misery and buried it. I’ve spent a lot of time in “the country.”

ADVERTISEMENT

I wrapped up the bag and thought, “Shall I just KILL HIM by force, stepping on the bag, and putting it in the trash, all done, clean and neat, or should I let Nature take its own wise course, by dumping this crippled thing out of the bag onto my lawn?

I did the latter. I tumped the bag out into the back yard and let the pathetic little huddled-up insectivore either live or die. If I know my neighborhood cats, and the fate of our briefly-adopted baby bird Jay 2PayZ,* that little bat is in some happy puddy-tat’s tummy by now. On the other hand he might be flitting through the neighborhood again, killing and eating bugs using his uncanny radar. Or he might be pulling himself painfully across the yard with two broken wing/arm-bones. I don’t know.

I let Nature take its course — after I batted it with my hand and put it outside.

ADVERTISEMENT

Could I have saved the bat by capturing it, imprisoning it in a cage, nursing and feeding it, turning it into a pet?

I am not that cruel. I will not do that to even a dog or a cat these days, that’s how I feel about keeping animals. A cow? For slaughter? Sure. A goat? For slaughter? No prob. A bat? Or a poodle? As a pet? I just don’t want to be part of the perversion of those creatures any more.

I will be interested to see if there is any sign of the bat tomorrow. If it’s able to fly then it’s probably fine. If it’s not, then Rainy, the neighbor’s cat, probably tortured it slowly and then killed it and left parts of it in her owner’s house-slipper.

ADVERTISEMENT

Nature. The Circle of Life.

Whatcha gonna do? Eh? Whatcha gonna do?

I am sitting in that third story office again and I hear things throwing themselves against the windows, even though the curtains are drawn and there is no way in.

ADVERTISEMENT

No way in. I checked. That was the first thing I did, before dealing with the invader. And then afterwards I checked again.

I have no idea how he got in, none at all. As far as I know, his secret ingress is still there and his brothers and sisters can still come in and lay eggs in my hair, a la Deputy Barney Fife’s worry about bats. I can find no hole. But then I am not a bat. Bats have their own kind of secret smarts, obviously, and we cannot pretend to know their tricks.

* A louder tale to be told by an idiot in due course.

ADVERTISEMENT

The very short video:

The (much longer) audio:
http://www.subgenius.com/MP3s/Stang_Vs_Bat-audio.mp3

[Flying bat image via Shutterstock.com.]

ADVERTISEMENT

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. Like you, we here at Raw Story believe in the power of progressive journalism — and we’re investing in investigative reporting as other publications give it the ax. Raw Story readers power David Cay Johnston’s DCReport, which we've expanded to keep watch in Washington. We’ve exposed billionaire tax evasion and uncovered White House efforts to poison our water. We’ve revealed financial scams that prey on veterans, and legal efforts to harm workers exploited by abusive bosses. We’ve launched a weekly podcast, “We’ve Got Issues,” focused on issues, not tweets. And unlike other news outlets, we’ve decided to make our original content free. But we need your support to do what we do.

Raw Story is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. We’re not part of a conglomerate, or a project of venture capital bros. From unflinching coverage of racism, to revealing efforts to erode our rights, Raw Story will continue to expose hypocrisy and harm. Unhinged from billionaires and corporate overlords, we fight to ensure no one is forgotten.

We need your support to keep producing quality journalism and deepen our investigative reporting. Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Invest with us in the future. Make a one-time contribution to Raw Story Investigates, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click to donate by check.

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. Like you, we here at Raw Story believe in the power of progressive journalism — and we’re investing in investigative reporting as other publications give it the ax. Raw Story readers power David Cay Johnston’s DCReport, which we've expanded to keep watch in Washington. We’ve exposed billionaire tax evasion and uncovered White House efforts to poison our water. We’ve revealed financial scams that prey on veterans, and efforts to harm workers exploited by abusive bosses. We’ve launched a weekly podcast, “We’ve Got Issues,” focused on issues, not tweets. Unlike other news sites, we’ve decided to make our original content free. But we need your support to do what we do.

Raw Story is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. We’re not part of a conglomerate, or a project of venture capital bros. From unflinching coverage of racism, to revealing efforts to erode our rights, Raw Story will continue to expose hypocrisy and harm. Unhinged from corporate overlords, we fight to ensure no one is forgotten.

We need your support to keep producing quality journalism and deepen our investigative reporting. Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Invest with us in the future. Make a one-time contribution to Raw Story Investigates, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you.



Report typos and corrections to: [email protected]. Send news tips to: [email protected].
READ COMMENTS - JOIN THE DISCUSSION
Continue Reading

CNN

‘Not surprised at all that the president sides with the white nationalists’: Native American Congresswoman

Published

on

One of the first two Native America women blasted President Donald Trump for siding with white nationalists on Saturday.

Following the fatal "Unite the Right" rally in Charlottesville in 2017, Trump claimed there were "fine people" on both sides when he defended the alt-Right and Neo-Nazi event.

Two years later, Trump has gone even further, blaming only the anti-fascist activists confronting far-right marching in Portland, Oregon in a way that reminds many of the invasion of Charlottesville.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1162726857231544320

Rep. Deb Haaland (D-NM) was asked about Trump's tweet by CNN's Ana Cabrera.

Continue Reading

Breaking Banner

Dick Cheney raising money for Trump’s re-election — with White House staffers Ivanka and Jared: report

Published

on

Former Vice President Dick Cheney is raising money for President Donald Trump's re-election at a fundraiser in a ritzy western resort town.

"Former vice president Richard B. Cheney and his daughter, Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo.), are to appear at a lunch fundraiser Monday in support of President Trump’s 2020 reelection campaign and the Republican National Committee, according to an invitation to the event," The Washington Post reported Saturday. "The luncheon fundraiser in Jackson, Wyo., will feature White House advisers Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, along with acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney as 'special guests,' according to the invitation, which was obtained by The Washington Post."

Continue Reading
 

2020 Election

‘He believes he’s a king and a dictator’: Ex-GOP congressman backs impeaching ‘unfit conman’ Trump

Published

on

President Donald Trump was blasted on MSNBC on Saturday by a former Republican congressman for being an "unfit conman."

Rev. Al Sharpton interviewed former Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL) about a recent New York Times op-ed he wrote calling for Trump to face a primary challenge from the right.

"There’s a strong case for President Trump to face a Republican primary challenger," Walsh wrote. "I know a thing or two about insurgencies. I entered Congress in 2011 as an insurgent Tea Party Republican."

Continue Reading
 
 

Thank you for whitelisting Raw Story!

As a special thank you, from now until August 31st, we're offering you a discounted rate of $5.99/month to subscribe and get ad-free access. We're honored to have you as a reader. Thank you. :) —Elias, Membership Coordinator
LEARN MORE
close-link
close-image