If you felt so overwhelmed with Republican National Convention coverage this week that you just did the mental equivalent of hitting “ignore,” we don’t blame you. With literally thousands of reporters descending on Tampa this week, The Atlantic‘s Molly Ball admitted, “Sure, the conventions are a manufactured event, more infomercial than news.”
Since animated gifs are all the rage these days, here is a humble attempt at catching you up on what you may have missed.
As the week kicked off in Tampa, Republicans were feeling good, flying high and ready to party.
But the week started out a little rough. First there was the whole Todd Akin thing. Then Tropical Storm Isaac set its sights on Tampa.
So Republicans gaveled in and out real quick on Monday, putting the party on hold.
Tampa was in the clear (even though the storm was picking up steam and heading to New Orleans), the GOP decided it was safe to party.
But a few things got in the way. For one, a GOP attendee threw peanuts at a black CNN camerawoman and said, “This is how we feed the animals.” To this guy, it probably seemed like this.
Except to everyone else, it was pretty much like this.
Republicans kind of hoped everyone forgot about it as Tuesday night got underway with Ann Romney’s speech.
She told ladies to “trust Mitt,” an approach that, given the debate around whether Republicans trust women with their own bodies, is something our executive editor Megan Carpentier found “insulting.”
Then there was New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s speech, which contained this zinger, “You see, Mr. President — real leaders don’t follow polls. Real leaders change polls.” To the Republicans in the room Chris Christie probably appeared filled with righteous anger.
But to a lot of other people, it sorta seemed like this.
Then the journalists all filed their stories and went to party.
And journalists were probably running around town telling each other this.
The big featured speaker was Paul Ryan, who a lot of folks think is super dreamy.
Paul Ryan’s speech went off pretty much as you’d expect. To folks at the convention, he looked like this.
The crowd went wild.
And probably this.
Oh yeah, and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Hukabee made a sexist joke about Democratic National Committee Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL). He said, “The only hitch in an otherwise perfect week was the awful noise coming from the hotel room next door to mine. Turns out it was just Debbie Wasserman Schultz practicing her speech for the DNC in Charlotte next week. Bless her heart.”
Wasserman Schultz’s reaction was, “Perhaps Mr. Huckabee should pay more attention to the company he keeps, such as Todd Akin, instead of taking potshots at the Chairwoman for applause lines.” Which is basically political-speak for this.
And it’s true, Huckabee and Rep. Todd “legitimate rape” Akin (R-MO) are besties.
It’s probably also worth noting that VP nominee Ryan and Akin are also kind of bros, having worked together on legislation that would define “rape” as “forcible rape.”
Just before evening speeches started, officials confirmed that Clint Eastwood would be the surprise mystery guest.
Probably, they were expecting this kind of Clint Eastwood performance.
Instead, they got this.
This was pretty much the reaction.
Mit Romney accepted his nomination. He talked about his parents’ marriage, which was kind of an “aww” moment.
But after that crazy Clint Eastwood talking to an empty chair thing, pretty much what everyone heard when Romney talked was this.
That’s basically it! That’s all you missed. Thanks for the good times, Tampa.