Crooning like Johnny Cash in a satirical music video published Monday by comedy website Funny or Die, actor Jim Carrey mocks gun enthusiast and actor Charlton Heston, claiming his famous remarks about prying a gun from his “cold dead hands” kept him out of heaven, and also means he probably had an “itty-bitty gland.”
“‘Cold Dead Hand’ is abt u heartless motherf%ckers unwilling 2 bend 4 the safety of our kids,” Carrey wrote Sunday night on Twitter. “Sorry if you’re offended by the word safety!”
Given his prior statements, it’s probably not surprising that Carrey is promoting gun control measures. “Any1 who would run out to buy an assault rifle after the Newtown massacre has very little left in their body or soul worth protecting,” he wrote in February.
“Over a million ppl have been killed by guns in the US since John Lennon was shot,” he added on Sunday. “Look no further than your own backyard for WMDs!”
His lyrics in “Cold Dead Hand” are right along those same lines, complete with a backing band dressed like John Lennon, President Abraham Lincoln and Gandhi. “Charlton Heston movies are no longer in demand,” Carrey sings. “And his immortal soul may lay forever in the sand. The angels wouldn’t take him up to heaven like he planned because they couldn’t pry that gun from his cold, dead hand.”
“It takes a cold, dead hand to decide to pull the trigger,” he goes on. “It takes a cold, dead heart, and as near as I can figure, with your cold, dead aim you’re trying to prove your dick is bigger, but we know, your chariot may not be swinging low… You’re a big-big man with a little-bitty gland, so you need something bigger just to fill your cold dead hand.”
The website also released the song, and a karaoke version, on iTunes.
This video is from “Funny or Die,” published Monday, March 25, 2013.