Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee set out on Tuesday to show that Fox’s The Five has gone beyond the realm of partisan punditry to depict the forbidden love between hosts Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld.
Quickly shushing host Jon Stewart, Bee launched into her “one-woman show” detailing her obsession with the show, arguing that Perino was a “winsome blonde ingenue” who couldn’t help but fall for the charm of Gutfeld, the “resident bad boy.”
But, Bee said, Perino was also pursued by Eric Bolling, who resorted to the likes of prop comedy to win her attention.
“That’s not gonna work on Dana,” she scoffed, before kicking up her heels. “This isn’t 1980, and you ain’t no Gallagher.”
Meanwhile, Bob Beckel did his best to “divide” the two hosts, Bee said, going so far as to try to out them during a live broadcast:
Beckel: If we put Gutfeld on [a grill], we could have —
Gutfeld: That’ll be the best meat you ever had.
Beckel: I’m sure it would be; that’s what Dana told me.
“Big f*cking mistake, Bob,” Bee hissed under a flashing red light. “How ’bout I take those suspenders, and hang you by your b*lls.”
But Bee didn’t count on one more damning story twist — Gutfeld’s marriage — sending her into a tailspin, which you can see below.