Jon Stewart: U.S. air attacks against Islamic State are ‘the iPhone 6 of wars’
Daily Show host Jon Stewart mocked the “anticipation” surrounding U.S. airstrikes in Syria on Tuesday night, likening the expanded attacks against the Islamic State (ISIS) extremist group to another much-ballyhooed launch.
“It was the iPhone 6 of wars,” he said. “It’s expensive, a little bigger, a little more unwieldy than you thought it was gonna be, it’s gonna be at least a two-year commitment, kinda feels like you just f*cking got the last one. On the bright side, at least it’s not the watch.”
Stewart was surprised to find, however, that not only does ISIS apparently operate a “financial center,” but that U.S. officials were already taking on another potential threat: the al Qaeda splinter group Khorasan, who were reportedly considered “far more dangerous” than ISIS.
“What the f*ck?” Stewart demanded. “You just told us that ISIS was like if Godzilla and the Devil f*cked on a bed of Ebola. What do you mean, it’s more dangerous than ISIS? What are you talking about?”
Meanwhile, correspondent Jessica Williams defended White House officials’ decision to go back to calling the offensive a “counter-terrorism strategy,” as opposed to a war.
“It’s a counter-terrorism strategy involving open and declared armed conflict, okay?” Williams told Stewart.
“That is the dictionary definition of war,” he countered.
“I don’t know anything about dictionaries, okay?” Williams said. “I’m just quoting a reference book detailing the meanings of words in alphabetical order.”
Williams also warned Stewart about even more terrorist groups on the horizon, like “al Kill Ya’al” and “al Fa’aq You Up.”
“They’re hitting America where it hurts: Exploding Starbucks gift cards.” she said. “And Jon, I don’t need to remind you that it’s pumpkin latte season.”
Watch Stewart and Williams’ commentary, as posted online on Tuesday, below.