Rep. Louie Gohmert's (R-TX) remarks denigrating gay military service members, Daily Show host Jon Stewart said on Thursday, were just the tip of the Texas Republican "redberg."
"You know gays and their massages," Stewart joked. "It was OK in the old days when wars had happy endings. I feel like that guy's actually trying to turn Texas dipsh*t."
Gohmert argued in a radio interview last week that while Greek soldiers would often get massages from their same-sex partners, American troops couldn't afford that kind of indulgence.
"It's a different kind of fighting, it's a different kind of war," Gohmert said at the time. "And if you're sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into a big, planned battle, then you're not going to last very long."
The fact that Gohmert's brand of conservatism is not only surviving, but thriving in Texas, Stewart said, should dash Democrats' insistence that they can turn the state "blue" anytime soon.
"You poor bastards," Stewart told his live audience in Austin. "Democrats in Texas are like the drunk guy at the bar who won't stop hitting on a girl, even though we know she's a lesbian; 'no, no, no, dude, trust me. I can flip her, I just need time.'"
Texas state history books, he argued, have shown that the state has been conservative "since dinosaurs roamed it 6000 years ago." That Republican leaning is still there, he said, when Attorney General Greg Abbott (R) holds a 20-point lead in the gubernatorial race against state Sen. Wendy Davis (D) and Abbott's running mate, state Sen. Dan Patrick (R) is up by 17 points over another Democratic state lawmaker, Sen. Leticia Van de Putte, in the race for the lieutenant governor's office.
"You couldn't be redder than that guy if you took Clifford the Big Red Dog and shoved it into the Devil's rectum," Stewart said of Patrick. "That's as red as red can red."
Watch Stewart's commentary, as posted online on Thursday, below.