Stephen Colbert mocks CNN’s ‘Magic Wall’: They’re so desperate they’re turning to the dark arts
Stephen Colbert sold his soul on Tuesday night to get election updates — while hawking wifi access for $12.
Colbert’s journey to the “mountain of midterm madness” was prompted by the barrage of election-night gimmicks news channels were pushing for their viewers, particularly CNN’s “magic wall,” manned by correspondent John King and promoted throughout the night.
“In their desperation, CNN is now dabbling in the dark arts,” Colbert said. “Well, I will not be out-occulted.”
After slitting his hand, Colbert conjured up a demon to give him the latest news on the Alaska senatorial race between incumbent Sen. Mark Begich (D) and Republican challenger Dan Sullivan, only to find that the demon had declared it “too close to call.”
“Seriously?” Colbert asked. “I just sold my soul to the dark lord for all eternity, and all I get is ‘too close to call’?”
The demon then tried to visit FiveThirtyEight, but couldn’t get online.
“It’s $12,” Colbert said.
“And you’ve gotta buy a muffin — it’s bullsh*t,” columnist Andrew Sullivan huffed from Colbert’s “cyber cafe.”
Watch Colbert’s commentary, as posted online, below.