Bill Maher closed out Real Time on Friday with a “buyers’ guide” for any billionaires looking to support one of the nine prospective Republican presidential contenders.
“The field is more crowded at an earlier time than ever because each of these corporate a*s-lickers wants to sign up mega-rich donors like Sheldon Adelson before one of the other guys in the pack blows him first,” Maher explained, before presenting the upside and downside to each candidate.
For example, Mitt Romney’s best attribute was his determination.
“Mitt wants to be president wants to be president like your dog wants that half a Slim Jim you dropped down inside the couch,” Maher argued. “On the downside, Mitt’s speeches are so boring, Bill Cosby uses them to knock out aspiring actresses.”
At least Romney had an upside, according to Maher, who couldn’t find one for Tea Party Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX).
“He’s what you’d get if Ayn Rand had half a sex change and moved to Waco,” he said.
Maher also offered some advice to former neurosurgeon and Fox News contributor Ben Carson.
“I know you don’t practice anymore, but if you still have your brain tools, here’s what I suggest,” Maher offered. “Lie down, put a mirror over your head so you can see what you’re doing, and start cutting, because you’re an insane, paranoid liar who will say absolutely anything — or as Fox News puts it, ‘When can you start?'”
Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush (R), Maher said, faced an uphill battle if he entered the race, given his brother George W. Bush’s abysmal 22 percent approval rating when his presidential tenure ended. That instantly gave an advantage. By comparison, he explained, Bill Clinton left the presidency with a 68 percent approval rating, which instantly gives his wife, ex-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, a leg up.
“In terms of brand loyalty, Hillary’s like if your last car was a Camry,” Maher said. “Jeb is like if your last car was a clown shoots you out of a cannon.”
Watch Maher break down the GOP’s contenders, as posted online on Friday, below.
Ocasio-Cortez blasts her NYC mayor for ‘making excuses’ for NYPD violence against protesters
The youngest woman ever elected to Congress ripped her city's mayor on Saturday for "making excuses" for New York Police Department actions.
In videos that circulated widely on social media, NYPD cruisers can be seen driving into pedestrian protesters.
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) blasted New York City Mayor de Blasio for defending the NYPD.
On Twitter, she told the mayor, "your comments tonight were unacceptable."
‘Light ’em up’: Police open fire on people filming them from their front porch
Video reportedly taken from the Wittier neighborhood of Minneapolis on Saturday shows authorities shooting projectiles upon people filming them from a front porch.
On Friday, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey imposed a curfew on the city, but his emergency order did not apply to citizens' homes or front porches.
Yet a video posted on Twitter shows a Minnesota National Guard humvee rolling down residential streets, followed by a group of police.
"Look at this, they just keep coming," a woman is heard saying as the camera shows the police.
"Go inside. Get inside," the police shouted.
‘They just fired on us’: Horrifying videos of cops ‘using journalists for target practice’ in Minneapolis
Journalists covering the protests in Minneapolis reported on being targeted by police on Saturday.
Multiple reports -- including live coverage on CNN -- showed police firing rubber bullets at journalists.
It’s open season on the media for the cops in Minneapolis. Evil. https://t.co/ZR3Nnf9ofH
— Nick Stellini (@StelliniTweets) May 31, 2020