When he was in need of a story to cover on Monday night, Daily Show host Jon Stewart said, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee (R) and his remarks to CNN on Sunday against marriage equality provided the perfect "meatball."
"All I'm saying is, when straight people get married, doesn't the Bible say they're supposed to be virgins -- or at least, the woman is. Thank you, Bible. I'm pretty sure Christian business owners, when the happy couple come to order their cake, doesn't go, 'Well, I'd love to bake your cake -- but first, a hymen test.'"
Huckabee, a presumptive Republican presidential candidate, insisted to CNN that he had several gay friends despite believing they did not have the right to marry because he could not "evolve" in his thinking.
"It's like asking somebody who's Jewish to start serving bacon-wrapped shrimp in their deli. We don't want to do that," Huckabee said. "Or asking a Muslim to serve up something that is offensive to him or to have dogs in his backyard."
"First of all, let me just clarify something: not all Jews own a deli," Stewart responded on Monday. "Some of us -- and I say this with respect -- some of us are lawyers who represent deli owners. But more importantly, that analogy makes no f*cking sense. No one's forcing you to get metaphorically married to the Biblical abomination that is this bacon-wrapped shrimp. People are just wanting to be allowed to eat/slash marry it themselves."
Stewart also mocked Huckabee's apparent exasperation upon finding out that former female colleagues at Fox News would curse in the office.
"What kind of bullsh*t is this?" Stewart asked, before continuing in a faux-Southern accent.
"The worst thing a Southern businesswoman might say is 'fudge,'" he argued. "And then, she'd probably offer you a plate of fudge."
However, Stewart had to confront his own remarks when the "abomination" -- an actual bacon-wrapped shrimp -- called him out.
"You think God doesn't approve of who I am?" the shrimp demanded.
"I don't have an opinion," Stewart responded. "I just go by the Bible. It's pretty clear that, while you're my friend, you're a hell-bound crime wrapped in an abomination held together by some sort of toothpick of sin."
"Jon, did I ask to be a shrimp wrapped in bacon? No, this is how God made me," the shrimp told him.
"Actually, I think it was the guy from the food emporium," Stewart countered.
Watch Stewart's commentary, as posted online on Monday, below.
