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Larry Wilmore shreds CIA for ‘accidentally destroying’ torture report: ‘F*ck you, this is bullsh*t’

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Someone forgot what the “I” in CIA stands for, because this week the agency announced that it accidentally destroyed the 6,700-page report the U.S. Senate Intelligence Committee compiled after George W. Bush’s administration was caught authorizing “enhanced interrogation” techniques on suspected terrorists.

“Nightly Show” host Larry Wilmore couldn’t hold back on Tuesday. “They destroyed their only copy? This country only has one copy of the ‘Torture Report?’ how could this even happen? We have two Michael Jordans, you guys,” he said, before mocking how the CIA could accidentally destroy the extensive document.

It isn’t as if anyone was going to come looking for it or demand some kind of oversight. “This is America. Nobody is going to read a 6,700-page document. We can’t even be bothered to read terms of service before we give away all of our rights and privacy!” Wilmore shouted.

Apparently, the whole thing began when the CIA’s own general counsel told the CIA’s Inspector General’s office that the Justice Department wanted all of the copies of the report to be preserved. So, the CIA looked around and was like, “Oops.” In fact, their official CIA response was literally, “Sh*t, we don’t have one.”

“That’s what you say when you realize you don’t have a condom before sex,” Wilmore said. “Not when you realize you’ve lost the only copy of the most significant torture report the CIA has ever released.”

The process for receiving classified information is that the CIA takes a disk that contains the documents, uploads them to the classified server and then destroys the disk. Someone read the orders of the Justice Department and interpreted them to mean that the document should be deleted from all servers. Because “preserve all copies” means “sh*t, we gotta delete this thing!” Now, both the original and the copy have been deleted.

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“This sounds so incompetent I believe it,” Wilmore said. Feasibly, the CIA could come up with a better cover if it wasn’t. However, Wilmore also said, “F*ck you, this is bullsh*t. I don’t believe you, motherf*cker! You’re the CIA! You, by definition, are never supposed to tell me the truth! I just wish you would lie better.”

Check out the video below, but you have to go past the report on the penis transplant to 3:20:

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How Teach for America evolved into an arm of the charter school movement

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When the Walton Family Foundation announced in 2013 that it was donating $20 million to Teach For America to recruit and train nearly 4,000 teachers for low-income schools, its press release did not reveal the unusual terms for the grant.

Documents obtained by ProPublica show that the foundation, a staunch supporter of school choice and Teach For America’s largest private funder, was paying $4,000 for every teacher placed in a traditional public school — and $6,000 for every one placed in a charter school. The two-year grant was directed at nine cities where charter schools were sprouting up, including New Orleans; Memphis, Tennessee; and Los Angeles.

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Why do conservatives hate Oberlin College so much?

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When I was an undergraduate at Oberlin in the mid-Aughts, there was a student in my class year who was obsessed with 19th-century British Royal Naval culture. Every Friday evening, he would host a sing-along in a dorm lounge, for which he would bring xeroxes of historical sea shanty lyrics and pass them around so that we could sing along, waving our glasses of “grog.” This was a semi-established event — he had distributed flyers around campus advertising the weekly British Royal Naval sea-shanty singalong and grog-drinking event, which would extend late into the night. Though he was not a resident of the dorm where it took place, he was welcomed into the lounge by its members, and became a fixture of sorts.Like many well-endowed liberal arts schools in rural areas, Oberlin College functions as a sort of de facto social welfare state, and is designed to encourage and cultivate one’s passions, even if they are not strictly academic. Thus, after writing up a proposal for the student-run activities board, the same student, the British Royal Navy culture guy, was able to plan, organize and execute a ticketed Royal Naval Ball, held in the atrium of the science center. The event featured 20 dishes of authentic British era-appropriate cuisine, cooked by student chefs, several courses of wine and port, and a violinist present to play period-specific music. The whole affair culminated with a traditional, British partner line dance — its sole inauthenticity the fact that we didn’t pay attention to our dance partners’ genders the way the Brits would have.
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2020 Election

Here are 5 reasons why 2020’s down-ballot races could reshape America’s future

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The political press always tends to focus mostly on the marquee race for the White House but that's especially true this cycle, as Donald Trump runs for a second term. He demands attention and his antics enrage his opponents and delight his supporters in equal measure.

But national reporters risk missing the big picture by centering so much of their reporting at the top when many of the most important political battles in 2020 will take place further down the ballot.

Trump is catnip for reporters and their editors, but the dearth of coverage of downballot races didn't begin with his election. As the news media in general faces structural changes—with print circulation declining and much of their work moving into digital spaces that are more difficult to monetize--publishers have cut back on reporters assigned to the state and local government beat. Nevertheless, Trump has arguably worsened the trend by getting so much airtime— one estimate suggested that over the past four years, Trump has taken up, on average, 15 percent of the entire daily news cycle on the three leading cable networks, nearly three times what Obama did.

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