It was announced late Monday night that presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump’s campaign has a lot less money than any presidential campaign should have at this point in the race if they expect to mount a viable opposing campaign.
Presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton even suggested in a press conference Tuesday that a reason Trump won’t release his taxes could be due to hiding the truth about how much personal wealth he actually has.
“I always knew Trump’s big towers were compensating for something in his pants,” Colbert said on the “Late Show” Tuesday. “I just never imagined it would be his wallet.”
Colbert said that Trump’s campaign is so broke that they’ve been forced to stop feeding his hair piece. Instead, they sent it to a farm upstate. “In fact, $1.3 million isn’t even enough to afford a one-bedroom apartment in Trump’s own building.”
“How could Donald Trump’s campaign have less money, cash on hand, than the ‘Veronica Mars’ Kickstarter?” Colbert asked showing the film raised over $5.7 million. If Trump had the money to hire her, Veronica Mars could probably uncover the mystery of his meager funds.
This all comes as Trump claims that his campaign is cheaper because they only have 30 campaign staffers, however, that news isn’t helping him. Having only 30 campaign staffers in an election requires a multi-state strategy and one generally must leave New York City.
Colbert remarked that in 2012 both President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney raised over $1 billion for their respective campaigns. That puts the Trump campaign a thousandth of the way there. The suggestion Colbert came up with was to shrink the campaign. Literally, shrink it, like using tiny yard signs, which is perfect because Trump’s tiny hands could install them, Colbert mocked.
“Many Democrats want Clinton to name Elizabeth Warren as her running mate,” Colbert said to applause in agreement from the audience. “You clearly don’t work for Wall Street,” he continued, before showing a clip of the financial sector having a freak out over a Warren VP option. Wall Street has threatened to not support Clinton’s campaign if Warren is the running mate. “And if there’s one thing Wall Street can do, it’s make money vanish,” Colbert slammed.
Instead, Colbert thinks the Monopoly Man has a better shot. “He’s an American icon, he has plenty economic experience and like everyone else on Wall Street, he’s got a ‘get out of jail free’ card.”
Check out the video below:
After Trump: No free pass for Republicans — they own this nightmare
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This article first appeared in Salon.
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