After Bernie Sanders’ endorsement of Hillary Clinton Tuesday, it was time for “Late Show” host Stephen Colbert to bid farewell in the latest installment of the “Hungry for Power Games.”
“The bar is closing and America has to go home with someone,” Colbert began, but that will not be Bernie Sanders.
Colbert recalled the good old days when the candidates numbered 23, including an orange cat he stuck in there for good measure. “Back then you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting one,” he said about the baffling number of candidates. “And one of the candidates was a dead cat. We miss you Sen. Tummy Fuzz! Still did better than Bobby Jindal.”
Calling him the “bravest tribute of all,” Colbert praised Sanders because he “kept pretending not to be dead” for months.
But if you watched Sanders’ speech, you saw an endorsement remarkably similar to Eddard Stark’s endorsement of Joffrey Baratheon on “Game of Thrones” as “the one true heir to the iron throne.” The good news for Sanders is he wasn’t beheaded like Stark. Colbert encourages Sanders to duck if it ever comes to that.
The slogan on the podium read “Stronger Together,” but Colbert said that was because Sanders rejected her earlier slogan, “It’s about f*cking time.”
Alas, Bernie has fallen, “and like many seniors, he cannot get up,” Colbert said. To celebrate the end, he then ate Bernie’s name spelled out in caviar on a silver platter.
Colbert remembered the good old days when Sanders announced his candidacy for president outside the U.S. Capitol on his lunch break with people who thought he was doing tai chi in the park. It was covered by C-SPAN 3 back then, yet somehow “Bernie Sanders became popular with his platform of giving everyone everything they want. And he excited young voters with his pure sex appeal. He had bedroom eyes and bedroom head. Soon he was filling stadiums! He was like the Rolling Stones, only younger.”
“In the end, he received over 12 million votes and won 22 states. And he stayed in the race so long after being mathematically eliminated he also won the state of denial,” he joked.
Colbert raised his champagne glass over his big blue hair and blue arching eyebrows and saluted Sanders. “Words cannot express how we feel after losing you. So, in your honor,” he said before messing up his blue wig. “Goodnight! Goodnight sweet prince.
It was then the Sanders’ image displayed on the Ed Sullivan Theater’s ceiling. “Farewell, Bernie! No one else expressed the frustrations of so many Americans without blaming it on Mexicans or Muslims.”